Ring ring

As I wait here patiently…

I hear death calling me.

Ring… Ring..

I ignore it while I let it sing

I sit at this park from hour to hour

God, I’m so scared… I feel like a coward.

So Death… Please stop calling me.

I’ll have your answer in three days

Just let me be

How I pray, I pray

I know I’m not alone, I know I have so many friends and love ones. I’m blessed, but yet, why do I feel so alone?

I was contempt with death long ago until I met someone. Cliche right? But it happens. I fell in love three times and the first two knew that I craved the peacefulness of death. They understood the occupation I chose was to die while saving as many people as I could on the job. Then I met her… For the first time in my life, I felt scared? My relationship with her has been much shorter than my previous relationships and yet, how did she make this impact so suddenly?

Throughout my life, the feeling of loss took a toll on me. From the loss of friendships to the deaths of dear ones, every feeling of loss just piled til I wanted to free myself from this feeling. I finally convinced myself that I was contempt with life and I could die any day now.

Then I met her… This stupid girl, not literally, who flipped my mindset a full 180. It baffled me lol. Things were great and I was happy. She became something worth living for. My mind filled with fear… I even began questioning my future career. The future seemed bright, then things went dim. She’s fallen into darkness, confused… Seeking for happiness. I’m waiting here patiently for her answer. Day by day, I feel like freeing myself. Day by day, I sit at this park, 8 hours a day writing a story. “This is my story” the story of my life that led to my depression and my glimpses of happiness. I hope to share it before I decide to go.

I recently lost my best friend, I can’t lose her too.

So death, you’ll have my answer this Saturday. Until then, Please stop calling me.