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3rd attempt in process

by Pained

About to charcoal my way out of here.. I’ve had enough of my existence… lets this be my final frontier.. I’m done with the voices… thoughts.. memories and dreams of people that I’ll never see again. I’m anxious about it but I won’t let that stop me… I can’t forget why I’m even doing this and have gone out the way to set it up… I obviously have a valid reason and being scared is making me forget why I want to kms.. it won’t stop me this time.. I have nothing to look forward to in the morning day I wake up and I won’t act like it now bc I’m scared which ig is normal anyway… I know this from experience of crying each day and losing my fking mind with out a valid plan in life.. let it be peace and darkeness of not a thought or Conscience to realize ANYTHING I hope…. I’m DONE..  I’ve been abandon and I know why deep inside.. I can’t get along with the public… ever… it’s hard to stay productive w/o blasting off at someone….for some reason I always think they are trying me… and i swear I will end up hurting someone if I don’t do this…

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OnlyFurther 7/1/2018 - 4:50 am

May you find peace.

definitelyworried 7/1/2018 - 5:31 am

Sorry to hear that you are going through all this.
I know u been having these thoughts for a while, as you might know I also been strugling, and I think I would had kms also, if it wasn’t for some attourneys taking their seettime, to bring me some papers to sign.
This life is painful. This life is weird.
It was a pleasure talking to you when I did.

Pained 7/1/2018 - 6:12 am

Definitely worried thanks for even replying.. I thought you were dead honestly… unfortunately it didn’t go as plan.. I couldn’t pass out in a given time.. I used double the charcoal and even rented a fking uhaul truck to do it in… I was dead serious about this and I gave up once again.. I feel manic now and I’m ready to show what I’m capable off to people who think they can fuk with me.. FLAT.. I don’t want to make excuses.. I failed plain and Simple this time again.. there’s another way out there that will probably one day surprise me.. I feel ashamed I failed…but what’s another failer to me anayway..? my day will come..

born.loser 7/1/2018 - 2:39 pm

it’s not going to work in uhaul van

definitelyworried 7/1/2018 - 6:24 am

I don’t know what to think,
I want your pain to stop,
But i don’t want to see you die.
I could easily say I’m glad you couldn’t go through with it.
Sorry man, I don’t have the right words for you.
But I know you are struggling.

definitelyworried 7/1/2018 - 6:39 am

The first time I actually had the courage to go through with it, my method was wrong and it took too long and was too painful to keep going with it, the second time I was ready to go through with it I had thought about it for a few hours, and then realized what a mess I would have left for my family, so here I am again waiting to tie some lose ends.
And it sucks that I can’t attempt to suicide even if I had the courage to go through with it, cause of those documents that I need to sign before I kms.

definitelyworried 7/1/2018 - 6:43 am

And that is one reason I would never try and set up that charcoal, because if you can’t go through with it, u end up spending a lot of effort and emotions, plus the mess you have to pick up afterwords, I’ve thought about that method before though.

definitelyworried 7/2/2018 - 4:13 am

Hey pained you still there?

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