Already Dead

When thoughts of what you’re doing for dinner and what shows you want to watch are interspersed among fantasies of putting a gun to your head and pulling the trigger. When your life ended in your past, and you’re nothing but a walking corpse waiting for an opportunity to lay in your grave without causing more harm. Certain that things will never be okay again, and feeling that if they ever were, that would mean something went wrong with you. When everything is a distraction to escape being alone with your own thoughts, feelings, and memories- while simultaneously not wanting to ignore them.

Days, weeks, months, years… Wondering how long you’ll need to be alive without living again.

Wishing it could be over, because for you it already is.

You’re already dead.