I have said nothing the whole summer. I had it down pat. The thing was that it was creeping behind a rock. The minute the bad feeling washed over I knew. I knew that it was waiting and this was it’s chance. I needed money for my apartment this upcoming semester. I got a job a dominoes as a driver. Little by little, bit by bit, I grew to hate it more and more and more. The feeling of being stepped on. The big difference between this job and my old job was that it was everyone there against the world. We hated working and we loved hating it together. Here it’s do it and do it now. You better be grateful you have this job. You will go and and deliver until I saw so and you will drive and drive and drive and drive until I want you to. Today was the day that did it. I just could not anymore. I wanted to scream. I wanted to yell. I wanted to cuss my **** of a manager out and wanted to do it now. I’m quitting tomorrow. I already gave my two weeks notice yesterday, but I really can’t do it anymore. I woke up my mom and said I am quitting and that I needed to say something and just vent. She said you do not talk that way to me and we will discuss it in the morning. That’s when the wave hit. I was being stepped on now like I was being stepped on all summer. The thing is that Life is just that. You get stepped on and and stepped on and stepped on and you just have to grin and bear it. Like a psychopath. Grin and bear it. All summer I had it down. Never got thinking the bad. Never got thinking the sad. Then it just washed over like that. In an instance. The thing is that you know. You know that it’s there and it’s waiting. Waiting for that moment when the guard is down. Then it goes for the throat. Like that. My head hurts. It hurts so bad. I just want to lie down and close my eyes and not open them. I want death. I want death so bad. It’s all crooked. Up there. Most people wouldn’t be cut down this easily. I’m weak. I’m weak. I hate it. I hate it so much. It doesn’t make me happy. It really doesn’t.
3 comments
An ant washed away by the rain. Then crushed by the old man’s boot. Upside down, the ant’s skeleton crumbles unwillingly.
I’m in similar situation. How close are you to being able to afford the apartment?? Just ask yourself do you want the money and can you play slave. We know minimum wage is no fun place to be at… but it’s all there is for many folks out there. You can slave and slave if you want the apartment bad enough. But if you want to be at the mental state/frame you were in before the job got to you, then you can quit. Otherwise bear with and know the end result will be worth it. No pain, no gain?
It’s not personal the work needs done no matter what they can replace you if they don’t like your attitude. The work needs done, you are the hamster in the wheel, the rat pushing the button for his cheese to come. Over and over and over… There are many many other rats who need money. I’ve figured Best to collect the money you think you will need that will last you for a while. Have a plan A , a plan B, and a plan C. With your income and saving – seeing how much further you need to slave on will calculate different depending on your plans..