Finding comfort

  July 21st, 2018 by morado123

I’ve long since realized that, instead of being a token to my surviving in harsh times, my cutting scars are a constant reminder of how weak I had been. I’d been so weak that I couldn’t even visit a shrink. I was so afraid that I would have so many scars that I only cut a specific spot on my arm, to minimize the scars. See, I was weak all the time. Cutting, no matter how much comfort it gave me, was never a solution to anything. It was making me weaker.

But I stopped cutting and I’m in need of a new comfort. Something that won’t make me weak. Something that will actually make me stronger.

I guess a friend would do it, except for the fact that I don’t have any friend to whom I can tell my inner thoughts. Family is a burden to me, they won’t be much of a comfort.

Drawing, playing the viola.. nothing works. Everything I try in order to cheer myself up never works. Also, I don’t think choking myself counts as a comfort.

What should I do? I want to get out of this shit hell in my head. I’m trying, but I can’t.

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