We are told by society that “we MUST forgive our abusers” and that if we don’t “then we’ll never find love and happiness.
First of all- this is a** backwards. Why is it that the VICTIMS are the ones who must forgive the a**holes? Why is it that when people do heinous things to people, say for ex, a little boy who gets raped, that it is incumbent upon the BOY who has to forgive his abusers. WTF kind of logic is that?
People who have been abused are already abused. Now on top of that, people are pointing fingers at the victims who are suffering, and basically implying that they are depressed because THEY haven’t CHOSEN to forgive their abusers, and that THEY must “choose the high road”, etc etc.
It’s shaming and blaming the victims even more. It’s not like anyone who’s abused wants to live in pain and agony, or live with so much anger inside themselves. It’s not like we can simply tell ourselves, “ok, let’s just forgive x, y, z, and ok, Done!”
It doesn’t work that way. Forgiveness is a RESULT of the person working on their lives and in the end becoming free from the past that haunts them. Sometimes this takes decades. Sometimes it never gets healed or “fixed.” But forgiveness is not something you can simply tell yourself to just do and that’s that. No one WANTS to be in pain and hold on to all that pain and anger. If we could all just “let it go” we would. But it’s not so easy, and life doesn’t work like that.
I’m just pissed at society that points the finger back at us, the VICTIMS. We are BLAMED for our depression. “Well, if you just forgive x, y, z, then you won’t be depressed anymore. If you’re still depressed, well then it’s your fault.” That’s basically what society is telling us.