I always used to recluse

As a young boy living on welfare, the younger kid out of two children to a single mom, I never had too much options to meet my friends, and didn’t really know how to build friendships.

By age 10 my social levels were fine, I had many friends, but from that age and further, I  failed to maintain friendships outside school.

Anyhow, when ever I encountered harsh days or depression periods, I found it easier for me to seclude, and be alone.

I felt that once I’m out of anyone’s view,  I can’t compare my life to others, and thus, making me feel much better with my own life.

This has been my way of living for a long time. That is how I succeeded at building my own future, small step at a time;

I’ve worked at minimum wage job, saved money.

Did few SAT tests, untill I got accepted to a highly ranked Electric engineering faculty.

Only after an year I have revived my social friendships with friends from my town, seeking healthy supporting friends. I failed at meeting my wishes. They all have failed to see my reasons to seclude. They all failed to ask what were my reasons. At the time, I had to deal with my mom’s seakness and my own bad health. At that time, I had everything in life broken apart and I’m speaking about financial crisis and such.

For my friends (from town), those problems are like blank shots, they never seen or felt what it is like, so they barely understood me.

I’m again left to choose.

1. I’m going to keep my mouth shut, seclude, and be busy in my own stuff.
2. Turn around back to them, say things out loud so they will hear me, fix our problems up, and continue those friendships.

Too tired to decide.

Good night,

Yours, Jack.