Im Coming Across my last days

  July 31st, 2018 by Azraelsee

I realize daily now there truly isn’t a reason. Im 23 its not that im bad looking or unsucessful at all or even that im unintelligent. I was quite blessed to have a good looking face, thousands of people who called me their friend and a wonderful job where the people are always kind. I was also lucky to have the drive to pretty much accomplish anything i wanted and being intelligent enough to have been that kid in school who tutored everyone…

The truth is Im planning on my permanent solution because everywhere i go i just end up hurting people and my past.. growing up i had it really hard. Most nights i didnt know if i was sleeping outside or in another shelter and food was terribly scarce. My parents were horridly abusive and cold. My mother specifically was sexually abusive and mentally abusive… i never really knew love as a child and to this day i struggle with it. And ive realized that coming out of all that i acquired problems. Things people dont just come back from. I feel like some kind of sick freak and the most horrid part is i fear i cant control myself. It seems to be spreading from a specific point in my life… between the ages of 8 and 9 my older cousin (22) slept in the same room as me and he would… do things to me often at night. I remember just shutting down and accepting it after a while when nobody would listen to me. And from there i carried this issue of mine. Its almost like i feel comfort now thinking about what happened i feel unable to lead a normal life and i truly dont think ill ever come out of this.

Im a 23 year old man with sexual abuse issues.. my family hates me because of my issues.. i dropped all my friends. The love of my life and i have trapped myself in the middle of nowhere with no car and no one knowing where i am. I dont feel safe to be around anyone anymore its time for me to go. I only wanted to write this because no one else knows why i am the way i am, and it feels so good to share my story with someone. If anyone reads this…

 

Yours truly,

AZ

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