In a lot of stories there are those people that live sad lives and die sad. They are just kinda shit out of luck, always just miss opportunities to make their lives better and connect with people. Life is so up and down for everyone, but for those people the downs seem to get deeper and flatter and deeper and flatter. I am well into a deep, flat, swing. Each time there is positive momentum and a good plateau, the downs stretch out longer and longer. I know it’s all about perspective – glass half full and all that – but there is also experience. If the experience is shit, does perspective matter? Emotions aren’t logical, so the reasoning of perspective only goes so far. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I am really scared that this is my life. This low place that feels both isolated and also too scary and uncomfortable for connection. I really want more. I don’t want to be so full of self loathing and social anxiety and emotional discomfort. I don’t know how I ended up here.