I’ve been self harming since 13(now 25) but with breaks.
I always thought it was hilarious how people(mainly family) would scourn me or try to ask my why I did since I possess attractiveness. (“But you’re a pretty girl”)
what the fuck did attractiveness ever do for us?! It drew more attention to me when I wished to disappear. It made people jealous of me and obsess over me, find me threatening to their ego. It made people hate me, fight me… subject me to their twisted games, manipulate and use me as a way of insighting jealousy in others. Or just plain use me and then discard when showing resistance.
And it doesn’t stop there I’ve been molested/raped too. I couldn’t maintain female friends and got on better with guys but quickly realised their interest was mostly in my availability. When I’d ask for professional help, they would deem my physical appearance absolves me from PTSD/BPD or any mental condition. Really it just seals the deal.
Given the chance to talk to everyone who has ridiculed mental health to me I would say ‘You want to give a person reasons to live tell them something better than that, get ya head out of society’s fake ass and consider the implications of reinforcing it’s toxic standards.’
And now they tell me it’s stupid to want to die, and I just don’t see that. It’s half innocent, it’s half wise.