Still nothing to live for ..

  July 9th, 2018 by Cause of Death: Suicide

Still living a terrible worthless life.. Nothing will ever be ok.. I will probably overdose soon.. I have a fatal dose so I’ve never been more happy for anything in my life.. I don’t know how to go about it..Should I put in my notice? Should I just go do it without quitting? When I’m dead it will not matter and that is the only thing I’ve been working towards for the last decade (my suicide)… I wonder who and why they had to make my last year alive complete sh*t….. maybe it was happenchance, maybe it was coincidence..

I feel it was someone with ulterior motives…..either way.. I die soon.. there is nothing to work for because nothing is worth it.. I hate every single human on this earth and the only thing that would be good for me is to no longer breathe.. why is everything so terrible

        I’d kill myself right now if I could … I can’t       wait… still afraid because the pills will suck the soul right out of my body.. I know overall it is worth it to suicide.. I can’t explain how completely terrifying the last 4-5 years of my life have been.. not one moment has been worth living through.. But I look back on all my life and see that no moments have been worth being alive for..

I know deep in my soul I was never meant to have been born, I was not meant to be fertilized to the embryo and it was a big mistake by two stupidly promiscuous people.. I was never meant to grow in the womb or breathe air.. it was all a mistake and I know all I can do now is end it..

Would be much easier in a different situation where I have weapons but all I have are these ground up pills or my legs to walk me to a cliff.. suicide is so difficult.. I guess because the relief is worth it. Everything worth it is always difficult to achieve.. I should had done it 6 months back but I’m running out of oxygen anyway. I can’t breathe nor can I barely do this..

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