Well it finally happened

Me and my girlfriend of just about a year broke up a couple days ago. It may not have been that long, but this was the first relationship where i could actually see a future with this person. At least for the first 6 months. Id been wanting to break up for a while, so it was mutual, but the fact that she left me, a man, for her high schooler friend just kinda stings.

I mean, she was very immature herself, so i felt like i was waiting around for her to grow up. But we got so close, closer than i had been to anyone, so to have her talk shit behind my back like i was nothing really hurts.
Im not gonna lie, i did something bad. Like i said i had been wanting to break up since early june, i just didnt want to admit it to myself. But last weekend when she came over on friday she was different. Shes always been distant but even more so than usual, so when she left on saturday i knew something was up, and i had to be sure. So, and i know i shouldnt have but the trust had been long gone at this point, she left her facebook logged in on my pc, and i went through her messages for about 2 minutes before seeing her talking absolute shit about me like it was nothing. Calling me all kinds of names and just the fact that everything was cool before friday i thought, well, nows a good a time as any. So i immediately called her, told her what was up, and we both agreed to end things and try to be friends after a reasonable cooling off period.

Now, what really hurts, since no one was really blindsided, is the fact that she was talking shit about me behind my back to her family, who once adored me, and that shes already with someone else. I mean granted the relationship has been making me depressed and anxious for quite a while, as well as causing me to neglect my family and everyone else including myself through the controlling and emotional manipulation, but its hard to deal with the inevitable sense of loss and betrayal. I mean in the end we just wanted different things, but its still fuckin hard. I feel like ive lost my best friend all over again (my best friend died a couple years ago). So its rough, and ove talked to all kinds of people and started reconecting with those i was neglecting, but i still have no idea where to go from here.

So there, thats my rant, feels good to get it off my chest