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Would Everyone Stop Calling me a Fucking Failure???

by Teresa's Child

I’m sick of that word. I’m sick of hearing it. From morning till evening, everyone is always calling me names. Failure, loser, worthless, childish. They don’t know how much it hurts. No one knows how much it hurts. I’m so broken up, I really, really am just tired of fighting this world. Tired of having to prove myself. Tired of always having to defend myself all the time, 24/7. I’m not a failure. I’m not mentally ill. If no one in my immediate vicinity understands this, that doesn’t prove anything.

Yes, to me the way others live their lives is insane, crazymaking, and not understandable. That doesn’t mean I am wrong, that doesn’t mean what I believe is wrong, what my experiences have taught me is wrong. I’m a misanthrope. I’m a social outcast — that’s all this means. Is this enough for everyone to constantly go around throwing stones at me? It’s not like I’m trying to exist in a place where I don’t belong. I’m trying to change. I’m trying to move locations, move jobs, move everything.

It’s just…a slow process.

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freeroma 7/4/2018 - 4:59 pm

I’ll just add it’s something you need to stop telling yourself too. I’ve mostly heard you point the loser label, but yeah.

Most things are a process. Take what you need to go through it, what anyone else thinks to that goal (outside of capabilities towards a workplace) doesn’t matter.

a1957 7/4/2018 - 5:01 pm

I can relate. At one time I had a job with heavy responsibilities and several expensive certificates directly related or allied to the field. Yet I was treated as though I was a worthless person by about 20% of my fellow workers. That 20% felt like 100%. Day after day i tried to bring myself to despair and leave life. I eventually left not only that job but that entire career field with 23 years of myself invested in it.
Yes, the crazymakers are just that. After I left the above job I started another job that appeared to be utterly free of crazymakers. But within a about a year the crazymaking started up there too. I left in about 2.5 years.
My present jobs are both free of crazymakers. I insist on it.

freeroma 7/4/2018 - 5:12 pm

To a1957’s point, yeah, if the people at work make it difficult to do the job at hand then it’s just crap.

Diem, you’re capable of the job you hold now, it’s mostly just the people there who make it as it is. If you stay in this career niche you know that, if you switch you know you’re capable of learning what you need to.

give me liberty 7/7/2018 - 1:05 pm

If I misinterpret your post let me know, but it sounds like you’re defending misanthropy and getting angry(er) at others for criticizing it. I won’t judge whether misanthropy (Webster: “hatred of mankind”) is right or wrong, but if you’re going to display it openly toward people, you better be ready to take the backlash. If you’re a white supremacist and you walk into a black church saying you hate them, better be able to take their response. Dish it out? Take it.

Cause of Death: Suicide 5/18/2019 - 9:23 pm

I get called mentally ill a lot it’s all I hear in my head day after day, just day after day each new person I meet I start imagining it’s their voice in my head calling my mentally ill. I’m all ..whatever.. you know, I don’t have any more of my life left to give…

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