2019 not 2050

I always wanted to live to 2050, i would have been 68. Now that thought makes me fucking sick with fear anxiety and disgust, oh god I can just about imagine another year of this and things will only get worse and more undignified. I need to start working out a plan to guarantee death, reduce the pain of suicide or face it head on. Ive been alone for a week, nothing can make my damaged brain better so it is logical to stay in bed all day or play xbox for hours. It is then logical to try to end my life ASAP since this lifestyle is not what i would ever want and i suffer tremendously to have to resort to this way of living. Im set on dying before the middle of next year, if only i can just goddamn get it done. Another suicide not because of mental illness but because of the drugs used to “treat” mental illness, and they forced it on me, human rights mean shit to these monsters.