My thoughts are so disjointed I can’t even write without losing what I’m trying to say but after all I still try anyway. Trying anyway, but trying is kind of pointless. Everyday I wake up and I try but everyone around me doesn’t understand anything I say I feel like I say so much and speaking is just sounds in anyway and words are all lies in the end. I don’t know. I get help, I got help, maybe I should get more, but I can’t get help because I can’t help myself, as I lie all the time like words are lies and I appear normal in this filtered lens and yes I am normal but I mean fucking alright which I am maybe I’m not sure what I am or who I am or anything. I already hate myself for writing this, I feel sick all the time disgusted with myself and filled with so much shame. What the fuck is wrong with me. What the fuck did I do wrong and deserve this for. I get nothing, I am nothing, got nothing, do nothing. I just beg for validation in holes like this and I don’t know what to do. No one wants to help me anymore they’re all tired of hearing all of my noises and words. Maybe there will be someone here who will listen to me tell my same story seven times over, same shit, seven days over, sevens hours of the day that Im awake and the other seven I sleep and the remaining seven plus three that I spend doing nothing but stare into nothing and think about nothing. I’m tired of living in my head but it’s okay I think and I want to kill myself but I’m always very scared of failing so I won’t so I’m okay but I’m hurt.