2 years ago

  August 28th, 2018 by Alumina

I’m surprised, so very surprised. Two years, two whole years since I’ve been here. My nights of crying alone knowing I’m not good enough for anyone, gone. I rose i fell, one again I rose and now as usual I am falling. I stopped crying for what seems like forever ago. I went to TAFE, now in uni. I gained a better job, I still have no friends. I haven’t been to uni this semester, I’ve been doing my assignments though. I just can’t do it, I knew this would happen. I gave myself a year and quite honestly things looked better, I didn’t feel it but I thought if everything around me got better then I would. I’m a proud godmother and aunt to three beautiful children, my adoptive and biological family somewhat tolerate me. What’s wrong with me, I don’t know why. Don’t get me wrong I’ve been accused of so many things over the past two years that weren’t true, family abandoned me time and time again, even now I should be happy but I’m just not. No matter what I do I’m told to shut up, but out, I’m useless, stupid, annoying. I know this but surely I have some use. Right? No matter what I do I feel as if my only purpose is to disappear. It’s like I need to disappear for the good of everyone around me. I fought, like hell I fought because no one was there for me. And still no one is, I watch as I try to catch up to every ones lives and I simply can’t. Maybe this is the universe telling me I was a mistake, maybe I don’t belong here or maybe my purpose is to disappear to help some one else realise their potential. That seems about right, I guess I’ll just have to think….

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