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2 years ago

by Alumina

I’m surprised, so very surprised. Two years, two whole years since I’ve been here. My nights of crying alone knowing I’m not good enough for anyone, gone. I rose i fell, one again I rose and now as usual I am falling. I stopped crying for what seems like forever ago. I went to TAFE, now in uni. I gained a better job, I still have no friends. I haven’t been to uni this semester, I’ve been doing my assignments though. I just can’t do it, I knew this would happen. I gave myself a year and quite honestly things looked better, I didn’t feel it but I thought if everything around me got better then I would. I’m a proud godmother and aunt to three beautiful children, my adoptive and biological family somewhat tolerate me. What’s wrong with me, I don’t know why. Don’t get me wrong I’ve been accused of so many things over the past two years that weren’t true, family abandoned me time and time again, even now I should be happy but I’m just not. No matter what I do I’m told to shut up, but out, I’m useless, stupid, annoying. I know this but surely I have some use. Right? No matter what I do I feel as if my only purpose is to disappear. It’s like I need to disappear for the good of everyone around me. I fought, like hell I fought because no one was there for me. And still no one is, I watch as I try to catch up to every ones lives and I simply can’t. Maybe this is the universe telling me I was a mistake, maybe I don’t belong here or maybe my purpose is to disappear to help some one else realise their potential. That seems about right, I guess I’ll just have to think….

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Looser_4ever 8/29/2018 - 6:17 am

I know I’m not someone who is worthy at all to say/advice something to you, but I’m doing it anyway, so my apology in advance. If you can think of anyone who remembers you, no matter what for, then please don’t disappear, if not then remember that the job you have right now or the once you had before this one, were and is yours because you are worthy of it, so please don’t disappear. If you’ve responsibility for/to anyone among your family and friends, then that’s because you have what it takes to be a responsible human being, so please don’t disappear… Don’t even think about it.

2211264 8/29/2018 - 7:22 am

I think i know how you feel when you talk about trying to change or thinking things will get better. I started thinking differently about dying a few years ago . its like i flicked the switch and no matter what I can’t unthink it. If we could talk more i’d really like to chat with someone else from australia. My address is 2211264 at mail.com

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