Like any other animal, at bottom a human is driving forward to live and thrive another day. Tossing aside the insane stories our genius brains concoct to support us (egos), we are made to work for the next breathe whether we want it or not.
When we move toward the light we are warmed by it, enlivened and naturally prompted to continue in that direction.
When we slip into darkness, we become lost, confused and desperate.
Anxiety begets more of itself.
Success and fortune bring strength and confidence which beget more success and more fortune.
We all have a clock hanging in some grand hall of human life, each ticking away, different but the same.
Shattered dreams and forgotten hopes are narcotics for the spirit and lull us to sleep adrift an ocean of past regrets and chastisement.
Floating there staring at the stars wondering why it happened this way.
In turns desperate to swim and then complacent to peer into the massive waves crashing around us.
Flailing and relaxing alternatively in spurts like any mammal in its final moments, gasping for another breathe.
One they may not even desire. A struggle they may not want to continue.
I think i have grown up a little though. In the past my disposition was hopelessly nihilistic. Now i see more the wisdom of those who meditate. Because in the end the world is completely and utterly absurd and there is nothing any one of us can do about it except laugh, cry, breathe another breath and go to sleep when our clock runs its course.
The only other thing i can imagine for me is to look into myself and try to see a dream i can pull out. At least then this story would have some content…some theme…some purpose, if just for a moment.
At least there’d be a moment to remember about this little bag of bones and water. If i can have just one good fight for something my heart really cares for
3 comments
Q–
Just wanted you to know I read your post and am thinking of you. I’m sure others are as well.
Our egos will drown us to preserve the current illusion of our present ‘self’. There is not past, no future, no ‘self’. To make life easier I try to remember this, while the rest of the world writhes and tangles itself in nostalgia/regrets/depression and anxieties(past and future) and trudges through an eternal swamp of the ego. The best thing is to find something you can achieve flow with and master it, take the mind off anything but present moments and don’t let the ego manifest the power to control you with its delusional and destructive nature. This includes comparison to others, let it go. My mantra for you 🙂
*this is my mantra, but I hope it helps. it’s worth looking up flow state and also considering the ego can be a destructive force. Ignore the illusions of time and ‘success’. What makes us happy and present is more valuable than money or any other human made concept.