But I guess that isn’t a surprise given this website. I live with a goddamn crazy person who is in control of literally everything but refuses to actually use her control to make sure we don’t get fucking evicted. She’s going to get us both homeless and make sure that I lose every fucking thing I’ve ever owned. And talking to her is like talking to a goddamn brick wall. Her mindset is so off, that logic doesn’t do a goddamn thing. She’s so anxious and can’t possibly bear facing the landlord because she absolutely refuses to cooperate with the fucking guy. But we have the money because I’ve been working since May. I have no way to move, no where to move, and I’m not allowed to touch my own fucking money. They’re both fucking stubborn and refuse to talk. He sent her a lawsuit with my name on it crossed out.
She doesn’t get it. If we are homeless and lose everything, I WILL KILL MYSELF.
Edit: My mom saw that I was posting on here and just slammed a bowl against my laptop badly denting it. I rely on it more than anything. She doesn’t care about me at all. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die.
Edit: I cut myself for the first time. I ran to kitchen, grabbed a knife and cut myself 5 times. She just pushed me too far. But I shouldn’t have done that. That didn’t help me at all. I hope the cuts don’t leave scars. I’ll have to wear long sleeve shirts for a few days.
6 comments
If she can’t step up then tell her how it is, this doesn’t just affect her. I used to live with someone with bpd who resented me, they made it so the landlord hated us because they were so rude ti them. In the end I had a mental breakdown and that got us evicted. One person stole my TV, the other two tried to distort money out of me because they’d spent my money for bills on drugs instead of the bills. People are impossible and honestly please don’t kill yourself over the situation, just be honest and confide in people who can help even if its just a therapist/friend and some kind of housing officer. Often there’s people that can help if you’re at rusk if homelessness. Don’t guve her more of your time or money, find a way to look out fir yourself.
Thank you for the advice, and I wish I could but it’s so complicated. This person is my mom. I care about her, and she used to take care of things, but she’s deteriorated so badly physically and mentally. I feel like she’s dragging me down with her. And I don’t have anyone else. I have a friend who was homeless herself who can’t help. I have coworkers, but I don’t want to be that person with problems. It’s the first job I’ve ever had, and I don’t want to lose it. I don’t know about any housing officers. I just don’t have freedom or control, and I have to juggle work and school (incomplete in one class from the spring semester, and preparing for fall in a couple weeks) along with all of this. But my mom keeps snapping at me, screaming at me not to get involved, even when I didn’t even bring it up. She said she’d talk to the landlord tomorrow, but she’s so on edge that I’m afraid either her or him will hang up the phone.
You gotta look out for yourself in that situation. There’s always a way. In UK we have places you apply for housing if you write your circumstances. Family can be a ball and chain but there will be a way
So A) I could try to convince the landlord to let us stay if we pay him. The best I could possibly do is talk to the landlord myself if my mom doesn’t or if that ends badly. But he already said that he’s going to go through with the eviction this time. I could promise to pay not only the unpaid rent, but also a couple months ahead, full amount, but since I’m not in control of the finances…
Or B) I could try to find a new place to go and move all of my things. I’d need to get boxes, put everything in boxes, rent a truck, put everything on a truck, rent a storage unit, pay someone to drive it to the storage unit, unpack, and, of course, find a new place to live that doesn’t require a recommendation. (I can live through short-term homelessness I think, but not through losing my things.) But even if I managed to get my money, I feel like my mom would start destroying things if I tried to pack anything, because I don’t feel like she can face reality. Plus I don’t have a driver’s license or a car, and the money I have probably wouldn’t be enough to get help to move my things. I can’t go back and forth on buses; it’s 20+ years of belongings.
Worst of all, I have almost no time. He’s giving us less than 2 weeks, and I have work every day, a project I need done asap, and 2 doctor appointments. And I have a 2+ hour commute every day because I take public transportation. Unfortunately, I live in the US, in a state that’s pretty shitty at offering resources. We were on housing assistance before my mom got in a disagreement with the workers and got us kicked off, then set us on a 6 month appeal that went nowhere because she refused to bring me with her to their office. And the housing assistance program has a long wait list. When I was able to speak to the school counselor in May, I called a ton of phone numbers for organizations asking for help, and none of them could offer assistance. Either they didn’t help in our area, or they had long waiting lists, or they wanted a preliminary meeting (and said they weren’t sure they could help anyway), or they expected a typical physical abuse case.
And a part of me wants to just let my mom take care of it, but we got a 24 hour notice in May, and she did nothing. Only reason we didn’t get kicked out then was because I asked the landlord to give us more time for my finals. But she’s furious I ever got involved. She thinks calling politicians and the judge and the sheriff and the constable helps because she thinks the landlord is in the wrong, but if anything, it only makes matters worse. I hate doing anything behind my mom’s back, we used to be so close… but I can’t let her do this to me, and I’m getting really desperate. I feel like garbage.
If i’ve had a mother like that i would have killed myself a long time ago.
If my mom had been like this back when I made this account, I probably would have killed myself back then.