One time when I was younger my cat went missing for like 3 days, he’s an outdoor cat but always comes in at night and hangs around outside of our house pretty often, on the third day that we couldn’t find him things weren’t looking good because he’s very timid so chances were if a stranger had tried to feed him he would’ve ran away most likely. I remember riding in the car praying to a god (I’m not sure I believe in anymore) that if he would somehow let my cat live and come home that I’d believe in him and even tell my sister, who’s an atheist, what I had prayed about ( I guess it was my hopes that if the cat came home after my prayer maybe she would give god a second chance). Later that night or the next morning my cat came home. He had a bad cut under his chin so we think he was stuck somewhere and was finally able to escape.
The Psychological Phenomenon of Synchronity by Carl Jung.
People showing up saying two words at once.
Random People using my Name.
A strange stitching in the Chest at the Heart.
Hallucinations I could imagine were Real.
To feel as if all I was had been carried away.
Thinking in up to 3 Languages at the same Time.
To be almost ready for Pension at Age 23 as many Person do have great expectations on me.
That People can lose trust in Humanity.
People begging in their Diary for Human rights.
Oneroid Dreams.
Very good, but completely unexpected things have happened to me.
I suppose I sort of gave up on life a long time ago, but since then, my hope was sometimes rejuvenated when people who did me a world of good entered my life. It has never lasted, or maybe I have sabotaged myself, but life surprised me.
One time when I scraped both of my knees absolutely bloody and my worthless drunken whore of a mom refused to treat them and just looked at me with scorn, I woke up the next morning with both knees healed. Like something higher, god, maybe, had taken care of me at that moment instead of my mom to tell me that it would be there to do so…
Premonitions. I had lots of them. I don’t get those anymore. I’ve been abandoned. That’s why I want to die. They prevented me from dying. I was young, being sexually abused, sat in the corner of my abusers room and then I saw in my dizziness me being happy in this very room, playing computer games. Our family traded houses a year after that, and my dissociative fit dream became a reality. Another time I saw my happiness, after abuse ended, I saw myself talking with my first real friend. A girl I had not known had existed, in the same classes as me. I was 12 at the time. And I had this dream on a weekend, and the Monday back in English I was allowed to sit where I wanted and sat next to this girl. I didn’t speak to anyone ever, out of fear, I would speak to myself and people called me a freak. That dream saved my life by giving me reason to live. Other premonitions stopped me from walking out in front of a car, accidentally falling a canal. I paid very little attention, I was dissociative often. Now I pay more. And have no more premonitions. I wish I understood them, I wish I felt the warmth that I felt when embraced by them. Now I’m empty without that comfort.
They came back to me now. I’m alone now, in a place I never have been before. Just when I was reaching a new determination, they prove to me they’re here with their hints and their signs. Conviniences for me that just aren’t coincidence. I’m not alone anymore, all I needed to do was get rid of human encounters and now I’m finally not alone again. Whatever God is, this is close to it.
9 comments
One time when I was younger my cat went missing for like 3 days, he’s an outdoor cat but always comes in at night and hangs around outside of our house pretty often, on the third day that we couldn’t find him things weren’t looking good because he’s very timid so chances were if a stranger had tried to feed him he would’ve ran away most likely. I remember riding in the car praying to a god (I’m not sure I believe in anymore) that if he would somehow let my cat live and come home that I’d believe in him and even tell my sister, who’s an atheist, what I had prayed about ( I guess it was my hopes that if the cat came home after my prayer maybe she would give god a second chance). Later that night or the next morning my cat came home. He had a bad cut under his chin so we think he was stuck somewhere and was finally able to escape.
The Psychological Phenomenon of Synchronity by Carl Jung.
People showing up saying two words at once.
Random People using my Name.
A strange stitching in the Chest at the Heart.
Hallucinations I could imagine were Real.
To feel as if all I was had been carried away.
Thinking in up to 3 Languages at the same Time.
To be almost ready for Pension at Age 23 as many Person do have great expectations on me.
That People can lose trust in Humanity.
People begging in their Diary for Human rights.
Oneroid Dreams.
Very good, but completely unexpected things have happened to me.
I suppose I sort of gave up on life a long time ago, but since then, my hope was sometimes rejuvenated when people who did me a world of good entered my life. It has never lasted, or maybe I have sabotaged myself, but life surprised me.
One time when I scraped both of my knees absolutely bloody and my worthless drunken whore of a mom refused to treat them and just looked at me with scorn, I woke up the next morning with both knees healed. Like something higher, god, maybe, had taken care of me at that moment instead of my mom to tell me that it would be there to do so…
Healed as in stopped bleeding or like completely healed (which would normally take about a week)
Sounds like you have mummy issues? I know I do. I think that’s a large part of why I struggle with women (in reference to your post about virginity)…
*mommy issues lol
Premonitions. I had lots of them. I don’t get those anymore. I’ve been abandoned. That’s why I want to die. They prevented me from dying. I was young, being sexually abused, sat in the corner of my abusers room and then I saw in my dizziness me being happy in this very room, playing computer games. Our family traded houses a year after that, and my dissociative fit dream became a reality. Another time I saw my happiness, after abuse ended, I saw myself talking with my first real friend. A girl I had not known had existed, in the same classes as me. I was 12 at the time. And I had this dream on a weekend, and the Monday back in English I was allowed to sit where I wanted and sat next to this girl. I didn’t speak to anyone ever, out of fear, I would speak to myself and people called me a freak. That dream saved my life by giving me reason to live. Other premonitions stopped me from walking out in front of a car, accidentally falling a canal. I paid very little attention, I was dissociative often. Now I pay more. And have no more premonitions. I wish I understood them, I wish I felt the warmth that I felt when embraced by them. Now I’m empty without that comfort.
They came back to me now. I’m alone now, in a place I never have been before. Just when I was reaching a new determination, they prove to me they’re here with their hints and their signs. Conviniences for me that just aren’t coincidence. I’m not alone anymore, all I needed to do was get rid of human encounters and now I’m finally not alone again. Whatever God is, this is close to it.