My Story

  August 8th, 2018 by clichenamehere

So I discovered this place while looking up the best way to kill myself.  I’m a 41 year old police officer and retired military veteran.  I’ve been in a terrible marriage for the majority of the last 23 years of my life.  I’m finally at the point where I can’t take the utter sadness and lack of any joy in my life.  I’ve suffered from differing forms of mental illness for the majority of my life: severe depression, borderline personality disorder, ptsd, etc.  I’ve been on medications and gone to therapy and they seemed to help when I’m actually happy.  I haven’t been happy for quite sometime and whenever I think I may get to feel happiness something (someone) comes in and smashes it all like a spoiled child who has lost at a boardgame.  This last happening is the straw that has finally broken my resolve.  I can’t go on like this anymore and I’ve already started making my plans on what I’m going to do.  I’m writing letters to my family, friends, and co-workers because I don’t want to leave any loose ends for someone to be guessing what they could have done to change this.  There is nothing anyone can do to change this.  The change that could have happened is completely gone now and I’m just tired of trying.  It takes more out of me everyday to stop myself from taking my own life.  I’m tired of trying and just want everything to stop.

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