Have any of you just laid down and just decided not to move and hardly even breath? Just willing yourself to die right there?
If only it could have worked. If only it were possible. No stigma for your family to be stuck with that you killed yourself. No guilt for your loved ones to feel thinking if I only could have done something…… I laid there for about 30 min lifeless willing myself to leave my body. It was quiet almost peaceful. But eventually I had to realize it wouldn’t work lol
Crap i wish it was that easy.
What now
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Never, but sometimes I wish I could stop doing things from being bored and exhausted instesd of ny dopamine/endorphine deprived body demansing I find or talk about somerhing interesting and expredd myself or something.
I feek tempted to just do nothing amd waste mt time relaxing… It’s so hard to relax…
Inlisten to music sometimes before sleeping but still…
Well I wasn’t exactly relaxed. I was giving up. I honestly just wanted to leave my body and be done.
My mind usually races like crazy but for this brief moment it was almost an escape.
Yeah, frequently, motionlessly for 4 or more hours. i remember watching the clock hand tick each second for a half hour. I remember lying motionlessly without speaking for the majority of each day for around 2 and a half years.
It’s destroyed my physical health as far as muscles and body movements are concerned and it took many years of practice to be able to express emotions or stand/lift weights without spinal pain.
It was nice in some regards. I existed solely in my mind. in my memories and thoughts. but at the end of the day the old adage pressed too hard:
“get busy living or get busy dying”