poem for my dad

i am too young to lose you now
my heart is heavy and weighing me down
my tears are in abundance
forgive me if i drown

i am too weak to be strong
i am too smart to not know this is wrong
you were always consistent
when i had no one, you were here all along

but now the only thing you’re consistent at
is killing yourself slowly
you were dealt a bad hand of cards
i know you must feel lonely

you deserved everything, but you lost it all
you don’t feel like a man, you feel small
but i’m begging you to stand tall
but i know that this is your call

i can’t make you take your medicine
i can’t make you eat
i can’t make you drink more water
you will rest at my defeat

but you will always be my best friend
the one that i will always look up to
because despite everything
you were a great dad in the end

but my heart breaks at the thought
you might not walk me down the aisle
my kids might not have a granddad
and i feel like i’m on trial

and part of me feels like it’s my fault
but i can’t make you take care of yourself
when i can barely take care of myself
if you can’t live for yourself anymore
please live for your daughter
please