Redact

  August 24th, 2018 by Feiyuin

I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die

I want to die knowing I’m nothing but a spectator of life
I want to die aware that I amount to no contribution to anything meaningful
I want to die while I’m still smart enough to be aware of my own stupidity
I want to die accepting that I was never living from the beginning.
I want to do nothing but fuck my chest with a knife, it’s the only thought that seems to give me emotion.

Now someone approaches, I bet they think I’m in a dark place
They ask me what I’m doing right now? I say I’m typing an essay.
What an idiot, they know I’m an animator, animators don’t type essays.
They’re not even curious about what I’m typing.

Crying
Shame
Death
don’t touch me
I hate the sensation of your hand patting my back
I hate the sound of you saying I should just tell you whats wrong
I hate your presence of feeling like you care
I hate it
I hate it
I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate It I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate It I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate It I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate It I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate It I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate It I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate It I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate It I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate It I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate It I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate It I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate It I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate It I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate It I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate It I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate It I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate It I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate It I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it.

Just tell me that I’m in a dark place
Just say that I’m fucked
Just say that I’m a mess beyond help
I want to accept the fact that I’m messed up, and not a pretender of the disabled.

I want your validation so I know I’m not an attention whore.
I want your acceptance so I know I’m not just a nobody you want to protect.

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