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Sigh… I hate my mom.

by WanderingDreamer91

Sigh… I hate my mom…

 

I can’t really show pics for proof so I guess you’ll have to take my word for it, and I guess it’s up to you if I reacted wrong and if my mom sucks or not, but yeah, I’ll try to find enough time to post on this on a work day, I hate waiting to type out something important…

 

Also, no offense, but… I think Primal One posted like 15 posts in a row and buried some otherd including mine so I’m not sure if people saw them but whatever…

 

Here we go. :p

 

Me

“I want a girlfriend. 🙁 It feels weird saying that to you. >_< But yeah, sigh… I kind of want that more than I even want a better job or something… (…) I just want to relax after being so dang tired and stressed all the time and I don’t wsnt to be lonely forever… Sometimes I wonder if I say too much but I also hate feeling like I can’t trust people with anything, not even you. What would other people even understand besides having things fly over their head or get offended? It’s all the same with people… Well, I’m going to bed soon. Listening to music to relax and fall asleep too. :p”

 

Mom: “Hi – sorry you are lonely. Just know that everyone feels lonely sometimes. It’s not good if you feel it most of the time though. Finding a girlfriend is not that easy. It’s not like you can just go get one! I tend to think you (I don’t mean just you) should find activities that you are passionate about. And maybe find groups that do things you like. Then just make friends in general and learn what makes a healthy relationship. Relationships are complicated. And the romantic ones are even moreso. I’m not just speaking to you, I’m speaking in general. I think you can work a lifetime in improving relationships. But I think relationships are the most important thing we are here for.”

 

(Why the hell did shd make this long-winded lecture for when I’m looking for support, and say stuff like I can’t just get a relationship yet it’s the most important thing to have, which proved why I wanted it the most…? I hate people…)

 

Me: “… So are you encouraging me to get one or no? Dude you don’t even know how my life is a lot different from other lonely people, do you? I’m stuck in an apartment with only a job I don’t even like to show for my indepedence… No car no friends no girlfriend no college no anything. Sigh, nevermind…”

 

Mom: “I understand. I worry all of the time. I’m mad at dad that he doesn’t at least help with a plan fof school or something. As far as a girlfriend, I was saying I think it’s good just to go and learn to make friends and enjoy yourself. A girlfriend might come along in the midst of that. It’s better and easier to meet people when you are happy.”

 

Me: “Sorry… good night… What, so I can’t meet people if I’m unhappy? This is depressing me… night.”

 

Mom: “Btw, I hear from Josiah (my oldest brother) extremely frequently who says similar things. Hs just finally got a car and shares and apartment. He’s always out of money because it’s expensive. He says he doesn’t want Lowes to be his whole life. Ok, try not to worry tonight!”

 

I’m thinking of deleting all of my messages…

 

What do you’ll think?

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26 comments

WanderingDreamer91 8/2/2018 - 8:48 am

Oh, all of Primal One’s posts are deleted now. o.o It was this guy cursing continuously in all caps, it’s nothing. :p

xanbxi 8/2/2018 - 9:01 am

I saw that haha. that was one mental guy

xanbxi 8/2/2018 - 9:00 am

I think you are looking for a girlfriend for the only sake of having a girlfriend.

your mom is so supportive and I agree on every point she said. you can’t just go out there looking for a girlfriend and jumping on the first girl you see. that leads to bad relationships.

if I’d send to my mom the first message you sent yours, she’d probably tell me to shut up and get my ass outside. hell. you have a great and smart mom.
besides, I don’t see other ways she could’ve helped you beside giving you life advice.

love isn’t something you look for. it’s gonna come to you. without warning. mostly when you don’t expect it at all.

I agree that it is much much easier to meet/ get close people when you are happy. well, when you look happy atleast. people are more open to cheerful people with big smiles. they’ll talk to you way easier than to someone that shows no joy. that’s why she said that.

I can’t even grasp how you can hate your mother.

WanderingDreamer91 8/2/2018 - 11:02 am

Nothing will get done with my life if I just wait for things, what are you talking about?

And… what the fuck, no, I’d actually care a lot about my girlfriend and love her a lot if I had one.

HollowBoi 8/2/2018 - 11:20 am

I kinda agree with the mother and xanbxi here, looking for a girlfriend because you’re desperate you really can’t call that “love” it just end up as a mutual understanding between you too, even if you DO love her it just might turn into a one sided love.

You see love sucks, they say love bittersweet not caramelized sugar. If things could turn bad it WILL someday turn bad so i guess all im trying to say is waiting isn’t so bad, if it comes it comes more reason to live is to wait for someone valuable.

Plus getting a pet is better unconditional love is the best.

WanderingDreamer91 8/2/2018 - 11:03 am

Wowwwww….. wowe…

I hat everyone.

Is there probablt way more to my mom that I haven’t even sais or don’t even know, my younger brother hates my mom too, my parents are divorced and it probably isn’t wntirely my dad’s fault either, idk…

WanderingDreamer91 8/2/2018 - 11:04 am

God, fuck, just die!

WanderingDreamer91 8/2/2018 - 11:05 am

… Where did all the people who were supportive of me go…?

Where is buzzedloser…?

… I hate all of you….

WanderingDreamer91 8/2/2018 - 11:07 am

I care a lot about things ut no one ever gets me a chance stop fucking criticizing me all the time what the hell god I’m tired and I hate everything.

I want to blow everyone up…

……..

Should I quit when I still have thinfs to say I still have thinfs to say pay attention to me care about me I’m smart and important…

xanbxi 8/2/2018 - 11:23 am

look.. I didn’t say to wait in your room.
i’m just saying that love shouldn’t be forced or something that you’re actively looking for, that gets to your head and it will bring only crap relations.

i’m not here to feed you sweet lies.
I didn’t want to make you feel bad either. but reality is rarely the way you want it.

you told me to die and that you hate everyone and want to blow everything up. all I did was share my opinion as you asked.

you shouldn’t be supported in wrong actions, should you ?

xanbxi 8/2/2018 - 11:25 am

I don’t know if you’re like this in real life but if you act like that when someone doesn’t support or doesn’t agree with you then that’s part of your problem.

HollowBoi 8/2/2018 - 11:37 am

Well you know if he wants to blow everyone up he should just use those “free time” to develop a bomb that could do so, i would appreciate it you did that.

WanderingDreamer91 8/2/2018 - 1:22 pm

…. Funny.

WanderingDreamer91 8/2/2018 - 12:13 pm

Sigh…I don’t care if I’m overreacting to anyone or anything here, the point is that I feel like…

I think it just feels like everything is overly atrict and has to be my parent’s way and never my own, you know? And then my mom just says all sorts of things I want or even need is hard ans takes time and I get if it takes time but saying it’s hard or complicated is like…

Well I fucking know that or feel that I need some reassurance that I can still freaking do it! You know?

None of this seems reassuring, it just seems like reassurance masked ss condescedence, I just feel like I’m weak and inferior even to my own familt and I hate that their the ones who ard just so…

God… I don’t understand human beings… and apparently none of them understand me…

xanbxi 8/2/2018 - 12:46 pm

i’m sorry. I know how you feel. I think I forgot the reason why i’m here.

we’ve all been there, but it doesn’t make it any easier. don’t worry. life may seem shit right now and been for a long time but it won’t be forever like that. it’s never forever like that. you won’t even realize it, but it’s gonna get better and better, slowly.

try to keep your mind off these things. try to simply don’t give a f*ck. don’t spend too much time in your mind, bad thoughts will bring more bad thoughts and pain. instead of relying on others, grow stronger as a person. that’s the only way to grow up into a great person. be someone that can be proud of himself.

look, i’m bad at comforting people. especially on the net. guess you noticed that. all I can do is give you a piece of advice. it wasn’t easy but not caring about pretty much anything and not thinking too much about everything is how I deal with everything. i’m sorry I couldn’t meet your expectations.

WanderingDreamer91 8/2/2018 - 1:21 pm

Another thing before I properly reply to the comments is that my reaction here was sort of a last straw moment too…

Although people replied more supportiveky over time, the first comment I got for the psychic powers thing wss that I was being ridiculous to trust people from a suicide website…

And then for my story, amother person ot evn the same person said I was being verbose/long-winded basically talking too much.

Like, wow, rude…

And as fkr being a therapist, part of that was from reading rhe candace newmaker case from petscop of all things…

I figured maybe if um… I could die happy helping people ebn if I don’t save the world ans know that I did something good or something…

And for a girlfriend, well… I’m tirdd of masturbating once a day or so alone in my room! >_< As well as sleeping alone in my bed… I just want to love and be loved… and have sex I guess. :p

What's so wrong with that?

And if this is a suicide website zi figured people wouldn't like… be jusgmental or anything ans hurt me or something… or something…

So yeah.

WanderingDreamer91 8/2/2018 - 1:26 pm

God you people’s opinion on how I view love makes me sick, I don’t understand that…

No one comes to me by doing nothing, are girls just supposed to pick me up instead?

Or should I look for them?

This makes no sense.

Maybe you’ll don’t think they work but dating sites exist for a reason for example, there’s people oyt there seeking when it’s hard for them in some way or other.

It’s like… yeah…

And I’m not just going to get a pet instead or have sex with a hooker I want real love okay?

More love than this site is giving me now or my family ny ols friends or anyone…

WanderingDreamer91 8/2/2018 - 1:28 pm

You make it sound like I have a stalker or abusive boyfriend perspnality god what the hell I’m just freaking lonely and already try to show plenty of supportive comments and said I wanted to be a therapist.

If I wanted all that and try to prove my empathy than what kind of boyfriend do you think I’d be, not giving that to my girlfriend?

Of course I would.

My girlfriend should love me for that and I’d love her for it too, and we’d get along because we have alot in common and stuff and habmve nice thigns and…. stuff idk I got to go I’ on a lunch break.

WanderingDreamer91 8/2/2018 - 1:30 pm

…..

WanderingDreamer91 8/2/2018 - 1:32 pm

I don’t see how you people.are suffering too, I just see people trying to attack me wveryone wants to see me as some nobosy or a bad guy.

I’m bot a damn bad guy I was even supposed to be the good guyI can still be a goos guyI just…

Idk…

WanderingDreamer91 8/2/2018 - 1:37 pm

I’m not wrong I’m not wrong I’m not wrong I’m not wrong.

xanbxi 8/2/2018 - 2:38 pm

hey.. i’m not trying to attack you. is it because of the way I speak? I just wanted to help you. I’ll stop there.

we’re all broken. we just don’t show it.

WanderingDreamer91 8/2/2018 - 3:26 pm

Sigh… Am I going to get banned soon or reported…?

I akmost feel bad but I don’t know why… I had a reasom to be angry, right? It was justified… right? I hurt all over and feel like crap now…

Anyways, I wanted to make at least one more comment about my point.

I um… for my story, I wrote a lot to that, it was importsnt to me… and one person just said the post was too long without even uttering a single relevant thing to the context of it all, so the post so far is rendered pointless when it meant so much to me… Well enough anyway…

Geez, what if you guys got that kins of reaction? It wouldn’t feel good, right…?

And um… about talking to people though…

I used to have people depend on me all the time! Even if they were all online, I got so close to people somehoe they’d share all sorts of stuff abkut their lives and so would I and we’d love each other snd talk to each other for hours and we’d even shsre phone numbers and photos of ourselves so we’d know what we look like and what we sound like. (Most of these people were from gaia and anime fans and even on facebook they might not have a pic of themselves or show it much. I’m the samd way, LOL. :p)

And so something happened where I lost all of ky friends… I don’t know ehat happened… Did either of us do something wrong? Some of them.claim life just got caught up with tjem and their busy some were fights and I think others still just mysteriously vanish and never came baxk.

I lost all of my friends and never met anyone in real life. T_T

Ans in my wntire big family of 7, a lot of times my family would just say I talk too damn much… Yeah a lot of it is probably something like a game I like suxh as skme of my pists here but so what… I might even talk abkut like… how deep it can be at times like art… some other people get it and see it that way too, like on youtube, idk…

And um…what was it again… ugh…

Oh yeah… -_-

Okay, so I wish I couls prove or know what to say about how crappy my fanily can be at times but maybe I can at lwast start with my dad…

Even thiugh my dad takes care of me and takds me to places when I ask he’s also hit me before or yelled at me dyring some parts of my life…

Parents shouldn’t hit their children. 🙁

It reallt hurts to remember…

One time was when I think I was blamed for losing rentals even thiugh I swore others did or swap cds out and out them in the wrong cases so it wasn’t my fault.

I think in school I had at least one textbook stolen ans it was my first teen year in 6th grade at 12 years old too in middle school because I kept accide tally breaking my backpacks and I got blamed for that too instead if helped or belieced in.

But yeah I got pissed back sk he fucking hit me… and like, it’s funny but even then wheneber that was I knew he wluld do that and tried to toughen it out but… it’s actually one kf the most traumatizinf moments I remember! T_T Sometimss I wish I could have defended myself and really hurt him back, it’s a nightmare…

And another time I was freaking moving to another apartmenr for the 2nd time in just a few years and he wanted me and my kittle brother who was also therr for some reason to randomly find some kind of shortcut through the woods to the grocery store and I had no idea how or why that was even so important and he got pissed at us both.

Oh yeah! Fuck! I remember he also dumped somd of the moving shit in my room amd bathroom and told me to clean it up even though it was literallt his fault, he just did that.

But nooooo nothing js ever my dad’s fault is if? Freaking prick! I think I had a knife nust in case but never used it…

How the hell am I supposed to adapt to society in a fanily like that?

I don’t know if anyone will see this or care kr somethinf but yeah now tjat I’m done I mught finally talk abkut other things or comdmnt on kther posts if I feel like it but I don’t know…

I don’t really feel safe anymore…

WanderingDreamer91 8/2/2018 - 5:10 pm

I actually got one more comment…

Well, I silently cried a little for 17 minutes since 3… I really hurt…

I remember one reason why it’s hard to trust anyone is that some people will claim to help me only to give me “constructive criticism/tough love” with all this “bluntness” by making paragraph long lectures when I’m trying to seek help…

And then at some point they’ll say crap like “Are you just going to be a negstive person forever”?

Wow. So I have no reason to be scared, angry, or sad then, huh? I just have to be picture perfect like them…

Figures at least two of them come from Facebook.

Two of them even have the nerve to talk about my negativity aftwr blocking them through anythjng like phone texts or another account too, to ridicule me even MORE.

I even confused the second person with the first and called them a sociopath. I think they even claimes to be an empath. BS. I don’t believe that at all.

If I remembered this earlier I guess I ckuld have talked abiut it… if I wasn’t bothered with my othe posts… but I think I forgot and I kind of wanted to anyway…

My job has been making things really fuzzy fot me period thoufh… least I think it’s my job…

So tired…

spectralgiraffe 8/2/2018 - 5:48 pm

Apologies, I need to rest of the comments.
I’ll just tell you how I found my other. Dunno if this will be relevant as I am female.
Yup. Got to look. Someone won’t just come up to you 😛
Get to know them, be friends for a while. See if you can both relate, see how much interest they show in you. Side note: if you can’t relate, there is no point in trying to have a relationship down the line.
Keep doing this for a while.
One or the other might bring up something relationship related. Hope you don’t get rejected. If you do,move onto the next person. Don’t go after someone who doesn’t want you. People have wasted years on this and finally realized the other will never want them ‘in that way’.
Rejection sucks. But its a part of life…

spectralgiraffe 8/2/2018 - 6:01 pm

If I just had ‘gotten’ a guy, then I would probably end up with a sh!tty guy. If I put in effort to actually get to know one and see what happens from there, then I might end up with a decent one.

I shouldn’t give advice. I don’t like people. This isn’t directed at you.

Anyway, would suggest you start soon if you want to find someone…

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