It’s not that I’m making a plan. I’m just giving up. I gained a lot of weight comfort eating, but now I’ll binge or eat shitty to hurt myself. It’s finally hit home that I need to lose weight and be healthier and I’m using that information to slowly tempt fate. No-one would be surprised (including me) if I died, all of a sudden, from a massive heart attack. The depression and anxiety I was dealing with last year has been compounded ten fold by the passing of my father from cancer. I have no energy to deal with these things and I am exhausted to the point of crying. I hold no regard for the life that I have. I could never go by blade or by pills. I’ll just wait to die and will do nothing to dissuade death from finding me. I don’t want to be here anymore.