Thanking my depression

  August 19th, 2018 by morado123

I used to care a lot about how people thought of me. I was consumed in an everlasting obsession to always show my best side and never show weaknesses. It obviously didn’t affect me in a positive way. I guess experiencing some hardships in my life did bring quite an unexpected, yet positive change in my personality – I stopped caring. This might look like nothing to someone else, yet, for me, this change was so comforting to me. I’ll do whatever shit I want to do, and that’s that.

Then, I also lost interest in maintaining relationships. I used to feel bad for myself for not having a female best friend like every young woman does. Well, I gave up trying to find a good friend. I’d rather be the good friend to someone else, and frankly, your life is pleasurable with just a few casual friends, to be honest. Oh, not only with friends but with family members did I stop trying to connect. I’m basically an outcast. I chose to be one.

I think not obsessing with certain things is one of the good things hardships can bring. I’m way too happy to be called “depressed,” but I had my ups-and-downs. Even now, I still outline my cutting scars. Scars brought me strength to be myself and not be so obsessed. In a way, I’m thankful for my difficult times in my life.

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