The Plan

  August 29th, 2018 by Looser_4ever

I have fixed my 30th B-Day as ‘The Day’. To be honest I’m scared, I don’t really know why. I mean I’m already a disappointment for those who have to care for me- if not out of love then out of responsibility and everyone else.

I’m new to this forum, so before I forget, I want to thank any/everyone that is reading my post.

I have never felt loved by anyone, not even by my parents or an other of my relatives. I wish i could say that I had a struggling life start or some major problem, but I don’t. That why I feel I’m not worth for others attention on me, that’s why I have only told, 2 people about my depression. I even feel like a huge selfish guy to only think about myself all the time. I’m sad and depressed all the time, I fake my smiles and laughs almost all the time, thinking why do i even bother faking it. To be honest, there is ONE huge problem in my life, and the truth is that problem is myself as a living person, as a human, as a being.

The Plan is to evaluate myself just before my 30th birthday, as to analyse whether I’m happy, successful and worthy of life at that moment of time or not, which will determine my future life as living or dead. But it feels like 30th of my life is far too long that I have given myself, to be alive and analyzed.

I confess that I have never attempted suicide yet, does this makes me a fake, an attention seeker, a fraud? Are these feelings of mine even real? Does this makes me less of a man?

P.S.-  If You are still here then, know that I’m grateful to you, and I have 1 more request to you that is- Can I at least wish for 1 comment in my post? Thank You.

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