I am not sure how much longer I will continue to push down or sit on the emotions I am struggling to keep out. I am thinking about trying again. I don’t want to do this anymore. I can’t keep pretending it’s going to be OK or the light is at the end of the tunnel. I am done trying to pretend that this is going to get better. I can’t keep holding on to hope anymore.
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and I can’t believe they hope is needed to survive, I passed hope with 16 away!
Falling_Soup, I know what you mean by holding onto hope. Hope IS needed to survive, I disagree with the previous comment. You probably have one hell of a story to tell, so… Please don’t give up. Please reach out to someone you trust and vent those emotions, whether it’s a family member, friend, a therapist, whoever. If you don’t feel you have that, post here. You’re not alone.
I know exactly how you feel. I’ve hoped my whole life that things would get better but they never do.. Or it’s a brief improvement followed by getting slapped back down again. I know now that things will never truly improve and life will virtually always be against me.
I need to end this. Living is torturous.
It’s hard because when I think about attempting again and how I need to make it be successful, I get sad about how the person I currently live with would feel, etc. It tends to be this push and pull of emotions but at the end of it all, I feel like I am alone. Unless I want to sit in a hospital again I tell NO ONE how I feel. I see a therapist and talk to people I trust but those are only band aids and do nothing for me long term or short term. I find that I burden people and would rather not dump my emotional garbage on them. Even my therapist I wonder how she gets through my sessions. I feel pathetic .