All I do is hurt others
September 4th, 2018 by endlessmonster
I really want someone to tell me I’m a horrible person. I’ve lost or strained all my friendships over the years by pushing my depression on others, not giving people space and when people block me I end up harassing them by trying to get around the block. I don’t mean to hurt anyone but I can’t stop myself from doing it either. I tell myself I’ll be better next time but it’s happened so many times, I’ve pushed away some of the closest people to me. One person I pushed away was a stepcousin who was there for me in when I was hospitalized in 2014… and there are others.
But recently I did it to the first girl I’ve ever loved. I’m 25, I’ve waited for love my entire life, and things were good but I couldn’t control my depression and even though she suffers from it too and I knew she couldn’t handle it I did the same thing to her. Projected my problems until it wore our relationship down, and she ultimately broke things off and blocked me. I emailed her and she threatened legal action if I contacted again… it’s been almost eight weeks and I’m still deadly depressed. I’m not a good person. Please, someone shame me. I’m hopeless and shouldn’t subject people to myself any longer. I’m all alone and it’s my fault. I need to be abused. I deserve it. I wish I could die… maybe if I did then she and the rest of them would feel something for me again. I’ve already written notes…
I am such trash. Berate me. I want to be abused. Maybe I will hurt myself tonight.
Sep 05, 2018 @ 03:09:29
borderline maybe? constantly and excessively needing others but pushing them away,
fractured sense of self and interpersonal space… idk its hard though to keep ruining things that could make your life better if you just had acted differently
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Sep 05, 2018 @ 15:50:27
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