i’m not a native english Speaker, so pardon my english if i do commit mistakes…
i feel bad about myself every single day, i hate myself most of the time of the day, i’m Studying Informatic Engineering (computer science) and i suck in every single subject about computer science (failed Database Modeling and passed algorithm programming thanks to a friend of mine) … so it’s kinda like a joke to be studying this… anyways, i’m not confident anymore, i’ve been reading this blog for like 3 weeks now and today i found the courage to make an account
i feel stupid too because my college friends understand the subjects before i do and they even study half the time i do with better results … it’s getting harder to study because i think it’s nonsense, i’ll fail in software development anyways (which is java, with some mixture of graphic interfaces and databases)
when my mom speaks to me to support me she always says sht like “you’re getting better, look at the glass half full, not half empty” yesterday i just studied one hour (applied Math, propositional logic, Venn diagrams and truth tables) and she was like “nice job” but i thought for myself “WTF, one hour studying is NOTHING in college, i should’ve studied at least 3”
anyways, i’m fucked up… Yesterday i spoke with my girlfriend (one good thing that i’ve done at least) which is 11605 km away from me (meet her on the internet, she’s in france near Switzerland and i’m in south america) :D, and she told me that she wanted really good friends and a boyfriend IRL, that hurted a lot, because even though i know that this isn’t a relationship, since we lack the physical thing that is really important in a relationship, i really feel like we do have something good and i’ve done everything for her to be better bc she lost her confidence and she is depressed as well as i am
i’ve been isolating myself too because i feel like nobody my age is able to understand me, i really don’t like parties anymore and the good friends that i had in school… we’ve distanced ourselves with time and i don’t know if i can count with them.
idk… any advices? i would be really happy if i get any comment in this post, thank you for taking your time to read everything if you’ve got this far