I lost yet another job today. I saw it coming, but WTF?! I didn’t deserve to be fired. Now that I have child support to pay, I will likely end up in jail or homeless. Seriously, why the fuck was I even born?
I apparently suck at anything important, I keep working for (and/or with) obnoxious assholes, and I can’t do anything right. Going to work has been mostly miserable for over 10 years now. The jobs have changed, but the misery followed. I must be the problem, but I’m honestly not doing anything except trying to do my best. It’s obviously not good enough.
I have had nothing but bad luck getting jobs I think I might actually be good at and pay a decent amount.. I forget that I’m not allowed to have a normal life with even average happiness.
Add to that the chronic unpopularity, loneliness and lack of friends, no real family support, and a constant feeling of worthlessness and failure, with regular examples that those feelings are correct. (Like today)
Is it any wonder that I want to die? My life has been 85-90% SHIT. I’ve had enough. I will never be someone who fits in this world, and this shitty life gave me a daughter who I didn’t want or ask for, but now love, making me feel even worse, because even in death I’ll unfairly be thought of as an asshole, due to leaving her. And I would have loved to see her grow up and have fun with her.. But life has pushed me to the point that even that isn’t enough to justify all of the pain, frustration, depression, insomnia, emptiness and failure I now endure on an almost daily basis.
This is why I BEG for death, so I don’t have to do it myself. But life won’t even give me the comfort of death. Life is going to kick me in the balls right up until I have to end it myself.
I will soon be purchasing what I need to end this cruel joke of a life.
5 comments
Yea I lost my job after one month of doing it.
What type of work were u doing?
Hi man. I think you are a bit sensitised now that you have lost jobs. It is not the end of the world. I have been fired a couple of times by an unapologetic snob; you would notice how much of these employees suffer from depression kin to yourself. Jobs, even the minimum wage ones, are so demanding. They think they “cut cost” by only have 1 person on the floor, but they run the risk of losing millions as overworked staff have to go on leave. I walked into the job first day and was told “welcome to hell”. Most employers are ruthless and especially millennials, will find any reason to fire you. What is the benefit scheme in your country like? Can you apply for Universal credit? It is their bloody fault you are unemployed. If you live in Australia, there is little hope as far as “job seeking agencies” go. Where exactly do you live?
I live in the United States.
But the job failures are just part of it.
I no longer want to live for a multitude of reasons and it’s just a matter of time now before I off myself.
I wish I could have visited Australia. I would have liked to have seen it.
ok, my previous posts did not show up. I just wrote a long-ass post. Just seeing if this one makes it through!
Ok, 3rd time none the richer! Here I go again.
Firstly, I can see you are a very geniune guy and have a lot of potential to be a great friend. I am sorry your life is going the way it is. It is not your fault. And I think you should start of forgiving yourself. What have you done to ensure the social workers and hardship support know about your situation? Surely they should be able to assist you with week-to-week payments. I bet they are fortnight payments to your bank account, but nonetheless, that should give you enough to at least make a living and get you back on track.
2) It is not your fault if you try and do a job and get fired for no reason. So it is now up to hardship to give you enough to survive. It is clearly not your fault that employers demand so much from their crew. You need to speak up and own the life that you have. You only have it once.
3) Man, if I had a job( impossible I know), I would not have thought twice about giving you enough quid to make it through the weeks ahead. The fact that no one cares about your financial impediment, strikes me as psychopathic. What does your so called “friends” do to help you? Now it is time to be vocal to your family, parents, friends, etc.
4) Please elaborate on your other problems. I am just trying to pen the situation and see what I would do in the same dilemma. What exactly is the load that bothers you? Maybe scale it down from “what bothers you the most” to “the least”, etc.
What exactly is there left for you to do to change your life around? Elucidate about this more so I can see where you are coming from…