I woke up and after answering my phone messages my first thought was cut. I grabbed all my blades then I just sat there. It’s cold this morning so I put a sweater on. It’s really the only thing stopping me right now from seeing blood seep out of my limbs. I get addicted easily. I’ve been addicted to cutting for a lot of years. My friend wants me to stop. But I cant. It use to hurt. It use to be just something for depression but recently I find the blades tickle. The pain, rewarding. I’ve become more reckless. It use to just be my arm. Now its like a game. And I don’t want it to stop. I use to want everything to be okay. For my depression to be gone. Searching and searching for ways and nothing has even come close to helping in 2 years. Why keep trying. It’s just going to be so many more dead ends. My friend doesn’t blame me for giving up although he wishes I wouldn’t. He would do anything to chase my monsters away for good and I wish he could help but sometimes nothing can be done.