My mood is fluctuating between emotionless and agony. One moment I feel distant from it all and the next I’m in tears. I miss her, it’s been 7 weeks and people tell me I should be over it but I just can’t. I lost the first girl I ever loved, it took me 25 years to find her, I waited forever and it was so good but then in a moment it ended. I can never talk to her again. And she’s not the first to leave me… over the last 5 years I’ve pushed away so many people. In my depressive bouts I push my problems onto others until they can’t take it anymore but I can’t stop and freak out as people become distant to me. I’m a monster. And then when they block me I try to message around it and I end up harassing the people I care about because they have cut me off… I’m such a horrible person. I don’t mean to be this way but I can’t help it and history repeated itself with her and I can’t take it anymore. I made an attempt on my life once before… I don’t know if I’m at a place where I’ll do it again but the idea of suicide has just been on my mind. I’m scared.
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i loved someone. he treated me horribly. i wasnt allowed to talk to anyone. yet it took me months to heal and the only reason i got over it was because him and my best friend went behind my back. now i just feel anger and its been that way for 6 years. it takes a while for the heart to heal. it can take days to years to heal. but it will heal.
I hope your right about that im 25 my best friend since 7th grade scaddled off to ohio to meet and stay with some guy she met online in the process she forgot about me another i knew for not that long but long enough that her mother passed and she gave birth to two children two little girls now all i have is a picture she cut me off said it was to dangerous for me to be around her or her girls and that i did to many things for attention this was after id told her id just got released from the hospital for doing something but i had been around her first daughter for a whoke first year and she never said anything till after bringing the second one over a couple times i still find that whole thing highly suspicious cause she sent me a text one text i never heard from her again this was after she had told me a week before the father of the kids had wrote a letter planning to kill her anyway so she cut me off then another friend did to and ive had so many losses now im losing my other best friend slowly but surely. I feel anger the most at the one who left to ohio cause she stopped communicating entirely. She said she couldnt make it to my birthday cause of money but she could have at least sent a text and said happy birthday and she had the nerve to text my mom to pass a message on when i had my surgery the only time she could respond so i sure hope the heart does cause mines needs some healing