Everyone experiences sadness. why for some of us it never seems to end…why do some people get to laugh and be happy even if they havent necessarily worked for it but others work and struggle and still only manage to get by each day choking down the tears.
I guess im just not doing it the right way. i need to struggle differently. Nowadays im sobbing when i wake up. sobbing at work wiping my eyes in the breakroom without anyone noticing.
Why is it so hard just to smile. i feel like im losing my sense of humor…my sense of irony…it’s all just work and more work….why the hell is it so much harder just to simply exist.
I can get drugs but that’s just a blissfull ticket into oblivion…. i can get sex but outside a committed relationship it’s just masturbation with another person….the clock is ticking and each day more work has to be done….
i dont want to die anymore. i want to live. i dont want to sleep. i want to be awake. i want to laugh and be happy. i want purpose…i dont understand why it’s like this…