i have been trying to talk to everyone around me but its no use . i have no future . i finished high school and i wasn’t accepted in any collage and my parents aren’t allowing me to travel . all my friends just started their first semesters and i can’t show how sad i am because i have to be happy for them .
im thinking whats the point of existing when im such a stupid existence . im literally just the most average being to ever exist . i always convinced myself that its too early to die in high school maybe ill get a better collage experience . i coped with self harm for 3 years hiding it so much , because here self-harmers are sinners who deserve death . suicide is a sin too . for everyday i wake up to imagine knives stabbing me or my body falling to crash or every window to smile at me . no one cares and it doesnt matter , but now for sure i know i have no future , im not special , im nothing .
i must carry on my plans and get my blade sharp enough , i must die
such useless unworthy disappointment .