My name is Taylor. I’m 26 years old and I am an autistic atheist who questions his sexuality. I am turned on by all genders yet I have no desire whatsoever to engage in sexual intercourse. I live in the deep south, Georgia to be exact, and I hate every second of it.
What happened to this world? When did it get to the point where I found that this planet is nothing but a cancer cell on the universe? I used to be so happy and carefree until I became an adult, now it’s just never-ending misery. I’ve been abused since childhood by other people as well my own family. My father was the one who would dish out the most spankings to me for the most minor offense. The worst I remember was when I was really young and wanted to spend the night at a one of my older brother’s friend’s place just to be cool. I cried there when I was denied, and my father pretty much punched me on my rear end that day. He told me from that day forward, if I cried for whatever reason then I was going to be spanked. I also remember when I had a meltdown during my aunt’s visit after my brother made me cry, my father came after me again. I was so scared and broken to the point where I told my mother to protect from the demon that was my father, the one who tried to rob me of my emotion.
My schooling life has been living hell, too. There was no sympathy for me in elementary neither from other kids or teachers, but in middle and high school was where I received the worst of it. I was forced to go to two private schools overstate if I remember correctly that I thought tended to the needs of people like me more appropriately, but I was horribly wrong. The kids at these two schools, one of them Catholic where they quite literally put the fear of God into me, were beyond vulgar. I remember clearly being attacked by both a student in a wheelchair as well as a deaf kid for how different I was even by their standards. As an autistic, I had an overactive imagination, and I was also very hyperactive. I did not receive any justice in that place.
If there’s one thing I learned in high school, it’s that karma is real, or at least should be. I was witness to that phenomenon on at least five subsequent occasions. I remember this one girl ended up getting spinal meningitis after torturing me, and another one expelled I believe for misconduct, which she projected all onto me. Another thing I learned is that the real abusers are the ones who think that they are your friend.
I’m in college now, and so far I ponder the point of it. I find the environment quite anti-intellectual to be honest. I’m in another unique program geared towards helping people like me with certain needs get used to that environment, but I feel I have made no significant strides until much later. I think I can blame it all on this one student whom I was forced to share the program with named Ryan. Ryan was your typical right-wing bigot. Before anyone asks, I am neither left, right, nor center, because I despise any and all politics with the most heated passion. Anyway, Ryan was a real piece of work. Not a day went by, before he found a full-time job I think, where he would rant his head off about “LGBT’s shoving their lifestyles down everyone’s throats,” “blacks and Jews are oversensitive,” “Mexicans don’t speak English,” “that’s fake news,” and so forth. I lost so much precious time in class that could have gone to educating me about how to take care of myself, but his irrelevant tirades took it all away. It got so bad that at one point he got into a heated argument with an African female who was also in the program at the time, raising his voice through the roof, and forced her to drop out. She said it was because of financial woes. I think it hit the lowest point after the three of us were invited to a sexual and gender nonconformist mini-forum, where I officially came out. I think I heard the black female come out as bisexual, too. One of my favorite comments, without sarcasm, came from a catholic individual who was invited. She basically said that it is not fair that sexual and gender nonconformists don’t get to practice their own rituals, but she does. Ryan had the gall to call the whole experience a blame game at the end of the day.
He also came out and said that he “digged” fascism.
GamerGate, the “alt-right,” and Trump all make me think about ending my life every passing minute. Orlando turned me into the paranoid mess ever. From being labeled an “SJW” for just visiting a simple website to standing up for myself and being called an authoritarian because of it, I’ve started thinking about something. I wonder what it’s like to be a sociopath. I wonder what it’s like to just not give a care in the world about everyone else’s input and just stomp all over them all for getting in the way of my path to success and or pleasure. Screw anybody who has an “opinion” about it. I want to become a cartoonist in the future, as in write comics or cartoons, and my fate is sealed right off the bat.
I’m “autistic SJW cringy edgy cancer.”