It’s just increasing. I don’t think I can continue for much longer. Everyday I think in ways of how killing myself, the methods, what I’m going to wear, where I’m going to do it.
Today I was writing the letter I’m left to them. I don’t think I’ll explain everything, because definitely they won’t understand.
I have suicidal thoughts everyday. When I wake up is the first thing that comes to my mind. I wish I could talk to someone about it, but I believe if I do, my life will get 1000x worse. The first time I try kill myself, my “life” got worse. The way people look at me, the way my father look at me. I felt that I was nothing. I was nothing. I’m nothing. But if I try talk to someone about it I’ll loose the last piece of humanity that was left in me.