love? tf?

  September 11th, 2018 by HollowOcean

My days are all blank except for her. everything is grey and unknown and scary but when I see her I calm down. If only I wasn’t so broken and messy, then maybe I could act on what I feel. But it’s just looks and long nights awake and wishing things were different like I could just drag both of us away from the world just to talk to her. I did not expect to love her. Is it love? I don’t know everything about her yet, and it wasn’t love at first sight. It just came upon me crashing down when I imagined her lying next to me and how happy it made me feel. But it’s scary now. I know I’m definitely queer now. But that’s not an issue for me, I love being lgbt but my feelings are real now, not just in my head, and she’s a real person. That’s what’s scary. And everyday when I walk away from her I curse myself for being the way I am because there’s no chance for us. Who wants a depressed freak of a girlfriend? I’ve already basically cut everyone else out of my life and now I’m supossed to let her in because I want to? I can’t even trust myself enough for that. I’m too awkward and it’s highschool and I’m in the worst place ever right now but if I let her go, will I sink even deeper? I have no idea how do deal with this.

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