I have to get this off my chest somewhere.
I started dating a 25 year old man when I was 16. He started out as the most charming guy I ever met and then after about a year he showed his true colors. He is verbally and used to be physically abusive. I won’t get into that, but when I was about to turn 18 I found out I was pregnant. I knew he would be mad but I figured he loved me so we could make it work. I told him and he accused me of lying about taking my birth control pills. I never lied. Funny thing is, right before I told him I was pregnant, I asked him what he would do if I was pregnant. And he sighed and said “Deal with it I guess” and I asked him how he would deal with it. He laughed and jokingly said “I know where an abortion clinic is.” and I was like “Are you serious?” and he said “No, I would deal with it.”
I never seen him so mad. He dropped me off at home and left. He then pressured me to have an abortion and I kept saying no because I hoped he would come around. I said no for about a week but then he started to threaten to shoot up my school. I knew he wouldn’t actually do it but that was the start of my thoughts that I can’t keep this baby. He would say I didn’t deserve his seed. I would be an unfit mother. All kinds of nasty shit. I kept telling him I could do it on my own but eventually something inside me broke. He told me “It’s me or the baby, and if you choose baby I will hit you so hard you lose both of us anyway.” That did it for me. I broke down. I gave up. I had the abortion at ten weeks. One day after my 18th birthday. I was supposed to give birth on the 27th of this month. He won’t let me talk about it. I don’t know why I stayed. I guess now I feel an obligation to stay because i’m a way I did what I did to keep him and if I don’t keep him I did it all for nothing. On the way back from my abortion he threatened to leave me there. 4 hours away from home in a city that has crimes often. He said he was thinking about promising me a life together just to get me to do this so he can leave me after and it will hurt me worse than it would originally. He said it was going to be his revenge but he decided to stay.
I regret everything.
I want to die.
I just want to say that I am pro choice but only if it is YOUR CHOICE. If anyone is in the same position as me, please don’t let yourself get pressured into something you don’t want to do. You will regret it for the rest of your life.
11 comments
Tbh he’s ashole and i meannit, you do what your heart tells you to do, tbh he don’t deserve to be with you even you could want ot for child but being so mean and sarcastic with someone you toldtonlove is so wrong, i don’t know what you’re going through i’ll only imagine it, don’t give up for you and who you love, be strong, even if my words don’t make sense be alive for yourself and people you love and get aeay from who you can’t stand. I’m here to listen
thank you
I do think losing a child prematurely has a lasting effect on a person, however it happens.. And I’m sorry you’re hurting over this.
I think the only good thing here is not having a child he would use to hurt you more, because he would just use that as an excuse for more games and itd be even worse than what he’s been and is doing to you now.
It sounds like being with him you already have nothing… less than, even. I hope one day you’ll leave him and can heal from these things.
i hope so too. thank you
You sound like a lovely person. I think you would, in the long run, be much happier if you left. There ste, what, seven billion people in the world? You can do better.
*There are
i know i would be better off without him. i’m just so weak.. i hope i’ll leave one day. hopefully before he leaves me because i know he will
I don’t know, this might help you build your strength:
strangestofloops.blogspot.com/2011/11/beyond-cognition-interview-with-adrian.html
youtube.com/watch?v=JXgRGanYLSY
It seems like you’re saying that you made 2 mistakes. One was having an abortion even though you felt it was wrong. The second is that you stuck with this guy whom you say has a history of abusing you and threatening violence and murder. 2 mistakes. One is too late to fix. The other isn’t too late to fix. I think you already know what you need to do based on your own words (and it’s not killing yourself).
i know you’re right it’s just so hard for me i’m so pathetic
You really need to get away from him …………