September 19th, 2018 by paranoid.separation

Pathetic paranoia separation anxiety. I know I have nothing to die about except my own mind eating itself. I know I don’t know if I want to die. I know I’m a coward who needs to die. I need to be killed to save everyone else from my complaining. Those who love me most. If being someone who isn’t you isn’t living, then I should die. When can I find peace that lasts a lifetime. When can I be normal. Why can’t I keep a person happy. Why am I like this. How can I be better. Why when I try, it just doesn’t work. I want to die. But I don’t want to hurt others. Cowardice. It lives in all parts of me. I will hope to be helped. And to be normal. But how can I when I don’t make enough. I’m annoying and stupid and not funny not cute I’m fake I’m mean I’m pathetic I am afraid of being alone I want to be alone I hate myself and I’m trying but it never works. Why do I look toward a bright future when my mind brings me down and eats itself. Then I end up happy a little while later. I think I’m bipolar. I want to be killed to be fixed. I’ll never have a low again.

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