Possibly Last Post

  September 25th, 2018 by Todamnbad

If anyone remembers my username, i have been a member for about 2 years. Trying to fight off my suicidal thoughts. As I can very least say, for me; it never ends. Suffered two finger injuries that led to two surgeries. But are a year apart. 2015 tendon repair on right middle digit, 2016 pins in snapped pinkie. Anyways, these injuries have taken a great toll on me as the physical pain is never ending.¬† I slit my wrist back in feburary of 2017. Yeah, each year takes a part of me. Those scars of damage have never left me. If the trauma doesn’t haunt me, the physical pain always servers me a reminder of what has happened. I’m tired of always feeling suicidal. Just like get it over with while you still can. Late last year, in december of 2017, i think i suffered a retina detachment or something similar as optic neuritis. Doctor didn’t find anything but that constant pain resides in my eye as well. That’s 3 parts of my body I hurt on the regular with. I can hardly work. Dependent on my father. I’m tired of being a burden. To my suffering, there is no ending. That’s why i even contemplate suicide. I tried a lot of alternative ways to deal with this. Pain Management which was a joke. Seeing a neurologist, said nothing was wrong. Last hope would be stem cell therapy. But i’m at my wit’s end. I’m fucking tired of trying to get help. There’s no help when the damage is already done. I fought and fought this mental illness that has ridden upon me because of the physical pain. Like i said, i’m tired, been tired. Honestly i don’t why i held on so long. Just for loneliness and depression to claim me w/ pain. I’m sure there’s plenty of people like me. I’m what would call the hopeless helpless. We have no hope and can’t be helped. I like to call my hope false hope because how could i ever get hope with the cards i been dealt with. I pray to God to end my suffering. Props to whoever¬† read this all the way. May God have hope and help for you. But I’m apart of the damned.

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