They don’t understand that everytime I get into a car I wish someone would hit me so it could be an accident. I walk alone to my car in hopes that someone will rob me at gunpoint and actually shoot me. I wish for every scenario that ends in my death. I know I can’t kill myself, I would hurt too many with that. But if it wasn’t my fault, it would hurt them less because an accident is easier for them to understand that it being purposeful.