Today was the worst that I ´ve had in a while. Nothing unusual happend just my emotional state was even worse than usually. I just watched these people being happy, being normal. When I was waiting for the tram I had this immense urge to just jump under it as it was aproaching. To just end it all right here right now without thinking it through. I think this kinda impulsive way is how a lot of people take their life, coz like me they feel too guilty to act on their thoughts, think through some plan and do it “correctly”. Im afraid that the day will come when I wont be able to resist this urge anymore. It would destroy my family. I just want to cry so much. I feel like that would help me. Sadly, I cant.