I’m into The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins on and off these days. It presents this interesting idea that we humans, and all other macro-organisms – animals, plants, birds, fish, insects – are just temporary, short-lived vessels to be used by long-lasting genes in their journey through billions of years. We are only containers that have evolved from the primeval soup that was the first habitat of ancient genes, only to serve the same old purpose – transport the genes to next generations. They are the star cast and we’re not even the extras – we’re fucking props on stage.
The reason why I thought this is relevant here is that it can make the decision of letting go a bit easier and totally justified. If only we could break our emotional bonds and our egotistical values, and see ourselves as biological machines manipulated by our genes, then our self-harm can rise above social stigma and become a revolt against the tyranny of our genes, especially if we have not reproduced yet because that is the primary selfish interest of our genes.
I know this is not the intention of the book’s author but I can’t help using it as my excuse. I guess I’m too desperate to give some fucking meaning to my ‘cowardly’ exit.