Wtf am I feeling?

  September 26th, 2018 by NumbExhaustion

Ok. So for a while now, I’ve identified as agender but I honestly don’t really know if that’s the right label? cause like, I’ve cut my hair, and I’m feeling a bit better with myself and I’m more comfortable with people calling me Jackie and not Jacqueline but I dunno. Like, I don’t feel right with people touching me or like, people talking about me as a girl but it doesn’t feel wrong? like, I love hearing people call me Jackie and not Jacqueline and I really have no clue what I’m feeling. Like, am I trans? i dunno. i have no clue what I am. like, most of the time I’m comfortable with my chest but then i can’t stand it other times and like, i could never refer to my chest as boobs even though that’s “technically” what they are. but like, I don’t identify with no gender I don’t think but that was the label that fit me best I felt but I dunno. Like, one time, my sister took my phone and sent to a new group chat I got invited to that I was Jacqueline but it felt so wrong and i dunno. help? like, demigirl sounds maybe right but I don’t feel right calling myself a girl but I don’t feel comfortable calling myself a boy and it’s not like anyone in my family is going to help me figure this out cause they’re too focused on my depression and shit and they’re all Christians and my mom just doesn’t care/believe this stuff. Like, I have no clue what to do? Like, do I not feel right in my body because of stupid fucking self harm or is it dysphoria? I don’t rly know what to do and I don’t know what I’m feeling and like, i’m sixteen but what if this feeling is just adolescence and puberty and stuff like that? Like, what am I? Like, thinking about people introducing me as a she doesn’t feel right but neither does anything else and i rly don’t know. Like, thinking about this stuff makes me even more uncomfortable but I don’t know. Help? My parents have started to become more controlling with phones and text and they want me to talk to people but like they cut me off from everyone so I really don’t know what to do anymore? So I dunno. Offing myself really does sound like a good idea but I can’t hurt anyone but like I don’t know. There’s too many emotions but none at all? I can’t put it into words. Like, there’s only so much writing on a google doc will do. I need other people’s advice and help but I can’t because of my parents?

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