Am I the Only One?

  October 12th, 2018 by hiohneh

Does anyone else intentionally hurt those who care about you, but you don’t know why? That’s a confusing question, I know, yet I can’t understand what I’m actually doing to those who care about me.

My depression has continued to worsen, and all I do is hurt my family by saying awful things to them. I blame them for my situation and I can’t trust them, but I can’t understand why.

My mind is playing tricks on me. I’m constantly paranoid that everyone is out to hurt me and make me miserable. I don’t understand. A part of me can rationalize that these thoughts are lies but there’s a demon lurking within me that tells me it’s the truth.

Who’s right? Who’s wrong? I want to get better but I’m starting to believe I’m a lost cause. All I want to do is sleep and forget that I exist. If those who say they love me really do then they’d let me end this miserable existence.

To anyone I’ve hurt, I’m sorry. I’m an awful human being.

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