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Been A Few Years

by AshCoveredAngel

So I only stopped writing on here because I thought I was blocked.

Wrong user name.

It’s been about 2 years since I posted last.

I don’t have any hope for yall. I still wanna die.

Lately, “I just wanna die” just keeps repeating in my head. I know that’s usually just the beginning. That’s the calm before the storm.

I had a 3 tiered method set up not even a year ago. I’m still here and trying to be positive but it’s not working.

I left the relationship I was in but not before I was raped, had a gun pulled on me, and pushed through a window.

My ex husband ripped custody of my first born from me.

I’m in a new relationship now and he knows about how I feel and actually knows about my posts on here. I don’t want him to have to deal with my pain… He might even read this one. Idk.

The 4th anniversary of my suicide attempt is coming up. I’m not happy to be here.

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SuicidalThoughtsButRefuseToKillMyself 10/2/2018 - 1:20 am

I don’t know you’re full story but or what gender you are male or female or however you identify yourself with no intentions of offending you or upsetting you but you should really stop and think about this if you are in this new relationship and consider is this something you want to do think about how that will affect your him personally I don’t have a girlfriend wish I did maybe that’ll bring more purpose in my life too shy to ask a girl out but that isn’t relevant to your situation all I would say is to continue to live for your own sake and his but as for the rape that wasn’t your fault and don’t blame yourself I am adopted and a year ago if my conception story is true from what my mom says is that my birth mother was raped when she was 12 when she had me and now knowing that I am a by product of sexual assault and I don’t know all the circumstances of my birth mother’s experiences or if the story is true but I wouldn’t blame my birth mother if she doesn’t want to see me due to the trauma but again not relevant I will try to say this to you think about what makes you happy and think about what makes him happy don’t think of the negative amplify the most beautiful thoughts you can think of and write it down and think of everything good and keep writing as if you were just writing for fun not for anything just for fun or just think of the best thoughts in the world with him if don’t want to write just think of only the good and the most beautiful thing you can. I may not reply back since the comment reply system is kind of weird on this but all I can say is just hold on and remember someone out there family and friends cares about your existence I will not tell you what to do and whether I have the right to even comment on your post but just think about it.

Bisban 10/2/2018 - 5:22 am

If God, had a son, in theory. Who would it be?

As the firstborn son, as referred, to.

I just need to.. be. Because, even, they shared the same, name, or title. Apparently, the layer does transcend into the space. To know, as much to believe. Across, the arctic.. divine water, as we sat.

Lifelong Loser 10/2/2018 - 1:05 pm

@bisban You remind me of the Tamarians from Star Trek: TNG. They had a language that the even Universal Translator couldn’t help with, because their language was based on personal metaphors and parables of their race… Making communication impossible and frustrating. I see the words you write and understand them individually.. But have no idea what you are actually trying to say.

Maybe you should change your username to “Tamarian.”

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