4 years ago in high school, I was doing well in school had a few genuine friends who I really enjoyed being with and could talk to like an equal.That was the last time that I was truly happy in my life after that nobody ever treated me like a human again, to them I was trash. Around this time I began to develop memory issues which I suspected were caused by an underlying neurological disease, it worried me so I decided to visit a doctor, the doctors turned out to be extremely cruel and unfair to me in their diagnosis, I stressed to them that I was losing my memory and other cognitive faculties and that it would be safer to assume it was real, but they said that I was completely psychosomatic and that if i continued they would diagnose me as a hypochondriac.There was nothing to do because the doctors held so much authority I was completely powerless against their diagnosis, anything they said was regarded by everyone as utmost truth no matter how illogical it was.It is known within the medical community that diagnosing someone as psychosomatic is highly controversial especially when there is little evidence to prove it, the diagnosis could be wrong and then the sick person would be left untreated and be falsely labeled as insane for a real illness.
I was deliberately being misdiagnosed as delusional and psychosomatic and everyone around me seemed to be enjoying my reaction in a sadistic way… I knew i didn’t want to live anymore.Why would endure all the ostracism and gaslighting if i knew i would never see things the same way again, now i knew what everyone thought of me, I am trash…It didn’t matter how much better things got I had already seen how cruel people can be and no longer saw anything good in the world. I was only waiting for the diagnosis to change so I could finally show to all the people hate and don’t care about that i was right all along.It doesn’t make any sense… I just need to show them i was right to bring a sense of closure to this 4 year conflict. Then i will be ready to die.
I have been making preparations i am trying to destroy as much evidence as possible about who i am so my family cant talk about me after i am gone, and i want to be buried at sea with no tombstone just for good measure.
I hope that one night i will suffocate from difficulty breathing and never wake up, then the argument will finally be finished… the argument will be done once and for all nobody will have won, but i will die in the struggle and with luck my name will never be spoken of or heard of again.
13 comments
What’s the conclusion, they ask, if at the end. And so, it gets bit, too mysterious. The edifice, in my mind. Will someone be there, to protect… this morphing corpse. To make sure that… we burned into the ashes, is that what you wanted to ask. I’m building the construction, with our bare hand. I’ll leave the other half, to the aftermatch. The world, so, will you lend me your hand, again. For the Spirit-Ball, because I’m, the Goku. The Sabre of the Light.
whats all this about?
Ignore Bisban. He never makes any sense and goes on these random streaks of multi-posting nonsense.
I’m pretty certain that he is mentally ill and/or on hardcore drugs.
id3a5ioon, for the chance, to once and for all.
palm, again*
I wonder, if nirvana, was, at least, subjective, because then, I will have the chance, to be at peace, by just being, and ever from harming, any living things. What’s more important than, love, was life, my child. Cadet, what have they found out, about, Old-Terranneans? Mr. Poppo.
whats your story bisban, did you do drugs to escape your life problems? which ones?
cubensis
malted brew
cannabis
copperhead
edifice
burning furnace
disappear for life
where will be the terrain
double portion
sleeping beauty
everlasting peace
my lover
phantom of the opera
to eat my soul
i’m ready to go, if you are
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. . . I want some of THESE drugs.
just drink a 40, us suicidal folk often want something to numb us and relieve our suffering, although i have become used to my circumstances and no longer need any psychoactive substances i can understand i have been where you were i used to binge drink in high school.
I only use gabapentin for my breathing issues it seems to help me calm down and catch my breath sometimes otherwise i feel like i am suffocating
I thought I was the only one being disrespected several times by Doctors and Psychologists. You just feel powerless and stupid. I’m almost scared to go to doctors at all anymore. Your feelings are completely understandable. At least to me. I always got the same results: Psychosomatic. I feel like when they’re supposed to be smart, they’re the dumbest of all. So while others leave something to be remembered, you try to remove it all.? Interesting. But I don’t think anyone can ever be forgotten. I understand why you do it. So your family will have it “easier” to forget you. I still wish you good luck, whichever way you may go.~
I hate my family more than any other people in the world, they have been abusing me for years, over the brain disease, all they do is mock me and call me delusional i hate them so much i want nothing to do with them, i want no fake funeral where they will pretend to cry and tell people how much they loved me, i just want to be forgotten as if i never existed…..there is nobody in the world i care about and would want to remember me not anymore not after how i was treated.
I see. Now I understand why you do it. They don’t deserve you. I’ve stopped calling people family a long time ago. There’s people we can make to family. If it helps: I believe you. Just to spite them.! And everyone else who don’t acknowledge our pain. I always wonder, how much is a person supposed to take…