I Cant see anything so good about the world…

  October 9th, 2018 by sisyphus2

4 years ago in high school, I was doing well in school had a few genuine friends who I really enjoyed being with and could talk to like an equal.That was the last time that I was truly happy in my life after that nobody ever treated me like a human again, to them I was trash. Around this time I began to develop memory issues which I suspected were caused by an underlying neurological disease, it worried me so I decided to visit a doctor, the doctors turned out to be extremely cruel and unfair to me in their diagnosis, I stressed to them that I was losing my memory and other cognitive faculties and that it would be safer to assume it was real, but they said that I was completely psychosomatic and that if i continued they would diagnose me as a hypochondriac.There was nothing to do because the doctors held so much authority I was completely powerless against their diagnosis, anything they said was regarded by everyone as utmost truth no matter how illogical it was.It is known within the medical community that diagnosing someone as psychosomatic is highly controversial especially when there is little evidence to prove it, the diagnosis could be wrong and then the sick person would be left untreated and be falsely labeled as insane for a real illness.

I was deliberately being misdiagnosed as delusional and psychosomatic and everyone around me seemed to be enjoying my reaction in a sadistic way… I knew i didn’t want to live anymore.Why would endure all the ostracism and gaslighting if i knew i would never see things the same way again, now i knew what everyone thought of me, I am trash…It didn’t matter how much better things got I had already seen how cruel people can be and no longer saw anything good in the world. I was only waiting for the diagnosis to change so I could finally show to all the people  hate and don’t care about that i was right all along.It doesn’t make any sense… I just need to show them i was right to bring a sense of closure to this 4 year conflict. Then i will be ready to die.

I have been making preparations i am trying to destroy as much evidence as possible about who i am so my family cant talk about me after i am gone, and i want to be buried at sea with no tombstone just for good measure.

I hope that one night i will suffocate from difficulty breathing and never wake up, then the  argument will finally be finished… the argument will be done once and for all nobody will have won, but i will die in the struggle and with luck my name will never be spoken of or heard of again.

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