My own rant about my brother owing me money

  October 2nd, 2018 by SuicidalThoughtsButRefuseToKillMyself

This isn’t about suicide but this is more or less a rant about my older brother owing me money that he’ll never be able to pay me back which I am tired of having an older brother who can’t be responsible for his own actions and keeps asking me for money I am tired having to see things from his perspective about the choices which led to his mistakes which has its own consequences one thing we humans don’t always realize is that yes we choose our own mistakes due to our own poor reasonsing or judgement or whatever the point is that it is probably best to continue to disown him when it comes to giving him money which he can’t pay me back which he probably owes me anywhere between $1000-1500 dollars I know not all of it was for drugs but some was and most of it was to help him out with rent and his expenses while on top of that I have to worry about my own expenses.

The funny thing is I can understand where he is coming from he got consumed by drugs which was his drug of choice was heroin and opioids and I don’t want to judge anyone else for even if I put aside my bias and prejudices and garbage I can understand why he chooses to do it I mean I started drinking alcohol I don’t want to drink as much as I used to meaning two weeks straight any where from 1-6 ales and beers and spirits not all at once and not six alcoholic drinks for everyday of the two weeks straight.  Since we all know that alcohol is the best drug, the worst drug, best medicine, worst medicine, best therapist, and worst therapist all in a form of liquid. Liquid poison and or liquid courage take your pick. Honestly I guess every addict has an enabler so I don’t want to keep giving him money for whatever reason since I have to take care of myself now my brother and I are no longer kids we’re adults grown men we have to go our separate ways it is just I am more grudging then forgiving I agree with forgiveness but forgiveness makes me weak since forgiveness in itself can be taken advantage of like everything else so that is where I have to stand on this issue that I had to type this or because I need to vent so I figured I vent it out on here even this website is used for whatever intents and purposes and this is not directed anyone on this website just something I needed to say.  I might not read any replies since was one of those houghts that you could just leave in your own mind that I started talking to myself as if I was having a conversation with him no I am not schizophrenic I don’t hear voices or see things that aren’t there I just have a bad habit or natural habit to talking with myself that I tried to stop doing it due to idle silence depending on the situation must be autism or some other bullshit.

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