pondering and pondering…

  October 12th, 2018 by whitefurmouse

I probably have 2 friends left. I can have a basic conversation with people and joke around, the usual stuff, including online.
I don’t know how much longer I’ll have these 2 friends. one I seem to be able to relate to pretty well, so far…
I’m a complete mess of a person.
I’m no longer friends with my ex, if he doesn’t want a relationship with me, I’m not gonna be his friend. He’s not gonna have it his way. He took this well, at least. I’m not going to sit here any longer and question why he’s with a girl who gives him hardly anything, as opposed to me (I gave him everything).
I’m getting tired of hearing about him talking about her. GO AND TALK TO HER ABOUT IT.
No hate, no vengefulness and I didn’t wanna do this, but I had no choice. anyhow, we still care about each other. Why do I still want him…? lol, we are both f**ked up pretty equally. lol..

Seriously, life is so empty though. I just live day to day. Maybe I will plan a trip soon. I don’t know. There’s absolutely nothing for me in this life.
I’m not lonely, I’m just sick and tired and bored of life…

If I keep changing my mind about what I say, that’s actually the extent of a mess I really am…
I don’t even understand myself.

I wonder if I should just be grateful for what I have… or whatever…

Please don’t reply, I’m venting.

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